Free Press readers will be familiar with the sorry state of modern dating. Young people are falling in love with AI chatbots instead of fellow humans; they’re flocking to dating apps in search of matches, only to find frustration; they’re whiling away their hours on OnlyFans; and “open marriages” are on the rise. “Why can’t young people find love?” is one of the defining questions of our time.
But like most important questions, the answer is complex, and looks different depending on who you ask. In his new book, Generation Uncoupled, Daniel Cox, a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, examines how young men and women have so dramatically drifted apart from one another. What was once a relationship based on intrigue and infatuation, he writes, has become one of suspicion and hostility. And the effects are most disastrous for one group in particular: young, single men without college degrees. In today’s piece, adapted from the book, Cox asks: Why has this group fallen so far behind? And what, if anything, can be done to close the gap?
—Jillian Lederman
A couple years ago, I worked on a major national study on the state of dating, which developed an extensive set of personal qualities that Americans deemed important for a romantic partner to possess. In a list of nearly 20 attributes, there was one that stood out for single women looking for a long-term partner or spouse: employment status. This was judged as more important than height, politics, religion, or education. No matter a woman’s politics, religious background, race or ethnicity, or educational background, economic potential was the most consistent and key consideration in her partner selection.
This indicated a simple reality: Despite the immense educational and economic progress that women have made, there remains a basic asymmetry in how men and women evaluate potential romantic partners. According to a 2020 Pew survey, less than one in three noncollege-educated men said it mattered whether a dating profile included someone’s occupation, compared with more than six in 10 noncollege women, and eight in 10 college-educated women. More than seven in 10 Americans believe that “what makes a man a good partner” is his ability to support a family, while only 32 percent of the public say the same of women. Importantly, men and women have nearly identical views when it comes to evaluating men. Men recognize that their value as partners is, in large part, based on their material contributions.