Being ghosted is not fun. You may be left confused, shocked, resentful, and possibly blaming yourself when a person you've been communicating with suddenly cuts off all contact with you with no warning or explanation. It can be especially hard imagining the ghoster to be living quite a boo-tiful life, with no remorse over having taken what appears to be—or disappears to be—the easy way out. Do you think that there is even a ghost of a chance that the ghoster somehow feels bad about doing such a thing to you?
Three New Studies Found That Many Ghosters Felt Bad About Ghosting
Well, guess what was uncovered by three studies detailed by a new publication entitled "The Pain of Ghosting?: People Underestimate How Bad Their Conversation Partners Feel About Not Responding," in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin? The title of publication is kind of a dead giveaway.
One of the studies asked 195 people, including those who have ghosted and those who have been ghosted, to recall real ghosting experiences. The second study had 601 people imagine different ghosting scenarios and then complete surveys about their resulting feelings. The third study did the same for 350 study participants who had ghosting induced in a live interaction.
The results from the three studies supported each other. The researchers—Sophia Li and Juliana Schroeder of the University of California, Berkeley Haas School of Business and Coral Zheng from the University of Cambridge Judge Business School—found that many of the ghosters actually reported being haunted by feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse. Some even had depressive symptoms.
The Ghosted Tended to Underestimate How Badly Ghosters Felt
Meanwhile, the ghosted tended to underestimate how badly the ghosters felt. This underestimation was even greater when the ghosting was unintentional. But the ghosters did feel better when they did not perceive their actions as ghosting or when they had sent a short response like “Sorry, can’t talk” rather than do full-on disappearing wthout a trace. That's a relief, right? Because who wouldn't want the ghosters to feel better?
Keep in mind, though, that what people reported may not have always matched what they really felt; people can do this thing called lying. Plus, people may remember the past differently and respond differently when asked about it later.
Furthermore, these studies were done under experimental conditions in which people may not necessarily behave how they normally would. Moreover, just because those in a sample of people felt guilty doesn't mean that other ghosters will—particularly those who ghosted you. Additionally, a ghoster may feel more or less bad about ghosting different people. For example, someone may feel worse about ghosting a gorgeous model than about ghosting you.
What These Findings Mean for Ghosters
These findings could be warnings to you if you are thinking of ghosting someone. Remember, you may not get off so scot-free. Or Olivia-free. Or whomever-it-is-that-you-are-ghosting-free.
That's because if you do have some kind of empathy, there's a decent chance that you'll end up feeling bad about ghosting. Such feelings could far outweigh the seeming short-term convenience of ghosting, such as being able to avoid a difficult conversation. So be careful about treating someone like "sheet," so to speak.
It could come back to haunt you as well because who knows what the future holds and where the person whom you ghosted will re-appear someday. And remember the saying that you'll be measured by not how you enter a relationship but how you exited it.
Therefore, if you have ghosted someone in the past, consider sending an apology. It's never too late to say you are sorry and explain why you did what you did. It could end up raising quite a lot of spirits.
What These Findings Mean for Ghosters
If you have just been ghosted, should the results of these studies provide you with some comfort? Perhaps. But, again, don't assume that your particular ghoster feels bad or even still thinks about the ghosting simply because those in the studies did. You could have very well been with someone with no empathy or no respect for you.
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Therefore, rather than depend on a ghoster for closure, give yourself closure. Your happiness and ability to move on shouldn't rest on whether your ghoster is going boo-hoo or not. Instead, tell yourself that you probably dodged a bullet. The ghosting may have revealed that person's true character before further harm could have been done.
One thing's for sure: The ghoster will miss out on all that you have to offer. That's as long as you don't accept a ghoster back without an explanation or apology, as can occur with zombieing and ghostlighting. No one should have a haunting license that frees them from the consequences of their actions.