SINGAPORE: A man has turned to Reddit for advice after noticing a puzzling pattern in his two-month relationship: his girlfriend distances herself every time they grow closer.
In an emotional post on r/sgdatingscene titled “Confusing actions,” the man opened up about the hot-and-cold dynamic that has come to define his short-lived romance, asking fellow Singaporeans if they had ever experienced something similar.
According to him, things started well. In fact, the relationship progressed quickly enough that he has already met her family, at her own request. “Her family feels that I am treating their daughter right and approves of me for dating their daughter,” he wrote.
However, despite the external approval, privately he says the relationship feels unstable. “The confusing thing is that my girlfriend will always freeze or flight each time we are geting closer or when things gets real.”
Even more painful, he said she appears to be actively searching for reasons why they shouldn’t be together, picking at small issues or raising doubts out of nowhere.
When he tries to address it calmly and rationally, she cannot give him a straight answer about what is wrong or what she wants.
“Some days when we do not meet, we are good. On days that we meet, such questions will come up,” he said.
Exhausted and unsure whether to hold on or let go, he asked other users: “Has anyone encountered this before, both males and females?”
‘Slow down a bit’
The post quickly drew responses, with many Redditors pointing to one possible explanation: avoidant attachment style.
“Not a psychologist, but she probably has a fearful or dismissive-avoidant trait,” one commenter said. “Things like freeze or flight (running away), things getting real, self-sabotaging, etc. are all traits of it. There is nothing you can do even if you tell her this; she won't change. Even if she is aware and wants to change, with the help of consulting, it will take years.”
Another user shared a painfully similar personal experience: “I was in a similar situation, met family on both sides, together for 3 months, 1 day suddenly kaput after a small argument I was willing to work through with her.”
“She [your girlfriend] displays avoidant traits and is not ready for long, serious commitment. Learn the attachment style and prepare for genuinely anything; their discard can be very painful. Just understand that you may not be able to control the outcome…”
A third added, “Either emotional baggage from a past relationship, or she is an avoidant. The latter is more concerning.”
Meanwhile, a fourth user urged the man to ease off the pressure and give the relationship room to breathe: “Slow down a bit. You’re giving ‘tomorrow is your wedding night vibe.’ She can and should have her me time. Relax.”/TISG
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