I’m Bankrolling My Niece’s Wedding. Now Someone Else Is Coming After My Money.

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Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

My brother’s daughter is my only niece. She is also my goddaughter. She lost her mom in college, so we have become very, very close. She is the daughter that I never had.

Her dad got remarried to “Analise,” who has two adult daughters herself. I’ve met them once, at the wedding. My niece announced her engagement, and my brother renegotiated paying for her wedding because apparently he has to pay for his stepdaughters as well. There was no mention of their father. My niece and her fiancé are school teachers and still have student loans. I am very well off, and my niece has always been my beneficiary. I told her I would pay, and all I asked was to invite a few of my friends and long-term colleagues. Her budget is basically double what both her stepsisters now have.

I guess it came out in a discussion about weddings. Analise is now enraged and screaming about favoritism and other such nonsense. I told her to knock it off. I don’t even think her girls could pick me out of a crowd, and I know I won’t be invited to their weddings.

Analise is still on it, and my brother has turned spineless and has even informed my niece about it in an attempt to get her to share the money. My niece is heartbroken, and I am pissed beyond belief. Now I want to cancel the holidays because I usually host my brother and his wife at my vacation home along with my niece and other people. My niece has said she doesn’t want Analise or her daughters at the wedding but thinks her dad will not come as well, and it kills her. Until this, she has had a civil, if distant, relationship with them. How do we move on from here?

—Wedding Woes

Dear Wedding Woes,

Obviously, Analise and your brother are dead wrong. Full-grown adults have absolutely no basis to expect equal treatment—and definitely no right to financial contributions from someone they barely know. Maybe, maybe there would be a (measured, polite, non-screaming, non-demand-making) conversation to be had here if the girls were all still minors who lived under the same roof and your financial support was going to mean your niece’s sweet sixteen party would be far more extravagant than her stepsisters’ celebrations. Even in that case, part of living in a blended family is accepting the reality that different kids have access to the resources of different adults. That’s just life!

To save your niece from your brother’s pressure to fork over part of your contribution, you should pay the vendors directly instead of transferring the money to her. Regarding the holidays, stick to your normal plan. This could have all blown over by then. More importantly, you don’t want to give your brother and his family any ammunition to paint you as the villain here or to accuse you of dividing the family.

As far as what to tell your niece: The truth is that if her own father would skip her wedding over this dispute or loyalty to Analise, he’s not much of a dad, and their relationship isn’t going to last. But you don’t want to be the one to say that to her. So if she asks for your input, simply encourage her to invite Analise and her daughters. As far as I can tell, the daughters are innocent here and have not made any demands of their own. And while Analise is out of control, her allegations of favoritism are against you and are clearly rooted in anxiety about money and her daughters’ happiness more than a real gripe with your niece. It would be nice if Analise decided to stay home and keep her greedy, bad vibes away from the event. But if she does decide to show up, I’m hopeful that the large number of guests, awe-inducing decorations, free-flowing alcohol, and fantastic DJ you pay for will be enough to distract the bride from her presence.

Dear Prudence,

When attending my musician husband’s gigs, how can I sit where I want instead of at large, noisy tables with friends?

—Introvert

Dear Introvert,

Send out a message to everyone who’s attending in advance of the event. “Hi! Thanks so much for planning to come out to support Kevin on Friday. FYI, as his main groupie who’s very invested in the new set list after hearing him rehearse all week, I’m probably going to sit up front by myself so I can really focus on the music. I’ll come to hang out and say hi to everyone between songs/during breaks/when he gets off stage.”

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Dear Prudence,

I live in a very rural area. I recently adopted a stray kitten who approached my back door for several days. After feeding her each time, I became confident she had no owner. When my middle-aged next-door neighbor eventually stopped by, she saw the kitten (“Marie”) and told me she recently lost one of her stuffed animals that resembled this kitten—and told me that she believed that her stuffed animal actually became this live kitten, and that’s where Marie came from.

I was initially a little more charmed than weirded out by the story, until my neighbor left me a note the next day on my porch with a basket of her baked goods, insisting I give her Marie (the name I chose!) to live with her, since I stole her. My instinct was to ignore the note, but my (live-in) mom actually agrees with my neighbor! She insists it’s “possible” for a stuffed animal to become a real animal, and I am obligated to hand over the kitten to my neighbor. (My mom also loves my neighbors’ baked goods, in case that matters.)

Then I found a mysterious handwritten note in my purse from “Marie,” explaining that she was originally a stuffed toy, yet she had achieved her dream of becoming a real kitten and wanted to live next door now. When I showed my mother the letter, she claimed that Marie must have written it herself and said, “Now it’s clear where the kitten came from and what to do next.” My mother actually broke down in tears and hinted that she, too, might’ve once been a stuffed animal. This is all way too crazy and way too much! Should I ask my mom to move out, and should I stay away from my neighbor? Or maybe just give up and give my neighbor this lovely kitten?

—The Velveteen … Kitten?

Dear the Velveteen Kitten,

I’m sorry you’re surrounded by people who are acting out a shared delusion. If we were dealing with a theory about a reincarnated actual pet, I’d still think they were nuts, but the belief would have more resonance than one about a hunk of cotton and polyester mass-produced in a factory coming to life. There’s obviously no reasoning with your neighbor, so you may as well take a page from her book (someone seriously needs to take her copy of The Velveteen Rabbit away from her).

Tell her you’re thrilled for Marie and proud that she achieved her dream, but that dream pretty clearly includes living at your house. With your most serious face possible, explain that she showed up at your back door for several days in a row, and that it’s important to respect her decision—especially after all she’s been through! Explain that you don’t trust the letter because there’s a lot of cat fraud going on these days.

But in all seriousness, on the off chance that this letter isn’t a creative writing exercise on your part, I’m really worried about your mom. Please arrange for her to be checked out—by a doctor, not a veterinarian.

Classic Prudie

I am a thirtysomething who recently moved into a family-owned property out of necessity. My parents have been great about this, and I’m glad to be here. There is, however, one issue: a family acquaintance we’ll call “Moe.” I never liked Moe growing up…