“She gets wet before I even touch her, I can’t continue with the marriage…”
A LUSAKA man has complained to the Chelstone Local Court that his wife is like the Victoria Falls in April when they are about to make love, soaking him before he reaches the boiling point.
This is in a case in which Loveness Mukwato, 23, dragged her 36 year old husband, Trevor Banda, to court on allegations that he cheated on her with her cousin and another woman.
But as the wife was giving her testimony, Trevor shocked the entire gallery when he interrupted her and claimed that his behaviour was a result of his wife’s slipperiness, accusing her of getting as wet as one of the world’s seven natural wonders before he touches her.
He said this made him uncomfortable, making him suspect that his wife was a mother of mercy (mama waluse) because he believed that a woman should only be ready once she is touched
“Your Honour, I feel she is sleeping with other men because she gets wet before I touch her. I cannot continue with such a woman. Moreover, I once caught her on a phone call with another man who told me she said I was only her baby daddy and not her husband,” he said.
Trevor said he married Loveness in 2019 but started having problems in 2024 when she got a job at one of the supermarkets in Lusaka, famous for its cheap products.
After getting the job, Loveness put herself on the list for merchandise and started selling.
And just like Donald Trump fumed after being snubbed for the 2026 Nobel Prize, the husband became furious that his wife had awarded her priceless jewel to a “mystery person”.
“When she got a job, she started going out to clubs. This prompted us to separate because I couldn’t stand that behaviour. At one point, our arguments got so serious that she finally confessed that she had a boyfriend who was making more money than me. She then stopped giving me a chance to support our child,” he narrated.
In her testimony, Loveness claimed that she was nothing but a loyal wife who had simply grown tired of calls from her husband’s side chick, only identified as Patricia, whom she accused of calling her every day and threatening to kill her if she did not stay away from Trevor.
“After several calls from the girlfriend, I got scared and, to save my life, I have come here to end this marriage because the girlfriend can’t stop calling me. Another problem is that I once found this man on top of my cousin, days after I had a miscarriage,” she lamented.
Magistrate Charity Milambo observed that, just as Donald Trump lacked respect for other countries, the couple in question lacked love for each other and granted them a divorce
“It seems you don’t value each other. Marriage is not for the young. The girl got married when she was too young, at the age of 16, and you knew that you were older than her when you married her. No maintenance for the wife because even you, as a woman, were involving yourself in a lot of things even when you knew you were married. But your man will be required to pay K500 in child support starting this month,” said Magistrate Milambo.
By Catherine Pule
SOURCE: Kalemba