In the 19th and early 20th centuries, Texas Rangers could swear in citizens as temporary deputies.
And I’m putting myself forward to WA Police, who might consider the same.
I do this because I have a decibel meter and it seems they do not.
My DB meter accurately tells me how loud sounds are.
And I propose they pin a badge on me and I sit on Marine Parade, Cottesloe, at weekends with my DB meter pinging the incredibly noisy motorcycles that will pass by.
I will photograph their number plates, then someone from the actual WA Police force can pop round to their place and put a yellow sticker on their bike as it is non-compliant. Yellow stickers, officially known as a vehicle defect notice or work order, are issued by WA Police for a vehicle that is considered unroadworthy or non-compliant with safety standards.
I’d argue that being damned annoying to thousands of residents makes it unroadworthy.
It completely confounds me that for the sake of one person (the rider) wanting to feel like Jorge Martin (as I write, the current MotoGP leader, in a tight and exciting season), everyone else has to suffer noise pollution.
We have come to the nub of the issue. To be sold in Australia, motorcycles, and other vehicles, have to comply with a standard for the amount of noise they make.
Australian Design Rule 83/00, which applies to all light and heavy vehicles, motorcycles and mopeds manufactured from January 2005 onwards, sets strict drive-by limits based on engine capacity. They range from 75dBA to 80dBA. The dBA stands for A-weighted decibels — a measure of sound levels adjusted to match how the human ear actually perceives loudness.
A running dishwasher or washing machine on spin cycle might give out 75dBA.
For some reason, it is legal to sell noisier exhaust systems, and riders take off the compliant one and put on a noisier one.
As a motorcyclist with an original, compliant exhaust, I watch many of my fellow riders putting earplugs in before they put their helmets on.
I should add that, if WA Police can’t find enough yellow stickers, I’m happy to pop down to Officeworks and get a bunch run up.
And I’ll also add that I have perfected a design for a mobile crusher, which can turn a motorcycle into a cubic metre of metal which can then be flogged off to Indonesia to be recycled, which I personally think would be a far better solution.
When I have completed my civic duty this summer, taking dozens of wasp-like annoyances off the road, I’ll be happy to take off my WA ranger badge and add it to the next load of trash going out.
