Our Daughter Thinks She’s Ugly. My Husband’s “Solution” Is Going to Make It Worse.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 8-year-old daughter, “Sally,” is going through a phase where she thinks she’s ugly (she’s not!). I have never emphasized valuing looks to her, so she must have picked it up from school. My husband has come up with an unconventional solution he thinks will make Sally feel better about herself.

He plans to enter her in an upcoming local child beauty pageant! I have always been against them. They send the horrible message to girls that their only value lies in their physical appearance, not to mention they are a pedo’s wet dream.

My husband said he already paid the entry fee, so he says Sally can “at least give it a try.” I can tell him where he can stick the entry fee and put the kibosh on his moronic plan, right?

—No Catwalk

Dear No Catwalk,

You don’t have to have emphasized “valuing looks” for your daughter to already have gotten the message to hate her body. It’s in the water in this country! It’s in the atmosphere! It’s the disgusting soup we’re living in from day one!

Your husband is an idiot. I’m sure there is some girl, somewhere who did feel better about herself after participating a beauty contest, but I’m certain there are many, many more who were made to feel very, very badly about themselves. Calmly, reasonably tell your husband that your daughter will not be participating in the beauty contest. He might try to make it Sally’s choice—no. You’re using your veto power on this, and it’s not happening, end of discussion.

As for Sally’s self esteem: If she has a phone, block social media on it and keep an eye on what she’s looking at. Talk to her about what she’s feeling about her body. Tell her that she is beautiful everyday. She will likely push back on this: “Of course you say that, you’re my mom.” That’s OK. Keep saying it.

—Logan

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