Is it possible today to call something out for not being as good as it was in the past without being deemed an old fart? If so, surely potty training before school is one of those subjects.
More than half a century ago (when I was a toddler), the expectation was that children would be toilet trained before their third birthday. By 2000 (when my daughters were starting school) that age had crept upwards, but the expectation was still that children were dry by their first day. Today, around one in four aren’t. Have parents suddenly become lazy, and now assume that schools will bring their kids up for them?
At last, it seems like people are coming around to my way of thinking. A pilot scheme in York, which gave parents potty-training workshops ahead of their children starting school and laid on extra training for early-years staff, has cut the number of children starting school still in nappies by 43 per cent. It’s now being rolled out across more than 20 areas of England.
That can only be a good thing. I hold one unfashionable opinion that really shouldn’t be controversial. It is that – in the overwhelming majority of cases – children should be toilet trained before they start primary school.
I’m not talking about children with medical conditions or additional needs, who deserve all the support available. And, the occasional accident will, of course, happen.
I’m talking about otherwise healthy four-year-olds arriving in reception unable to use a toilet independently. Reception teachers didn’t train to spend hours every day changing nappies and wiping bottoms. They trained to teach children to read, write, count, communicate and discover the world around them. Today, teachers lose an average of 1.4 hours every day dealing with toileting alone. Whatever happened to “school readiness”?
Say as much, though, and you’re liable to be accused of being that nostalgic codger who thinks everything was better “back in my day”. Of course it wasn’t. Nobody sensible wants to return to caning, capital punishment, coal bunkers, outside toilets or only having three television channels.
But equally, it has become almost taboo to admit that some things genuinely were better. Toilet training is squarely one of them.
Why should that be a teacher’s responsibility? I certainly couldn’t do it. Thank heavens I teach at a secondary school. Changing the nappy of someone else’s child? Give me hormonal teenagers any day.
But simply castigating parents as lazy or ill-equipped isn’t fair. In truth, new parents today are raising their children with less support than previous generations. Health visitors and community continence services have both been cut back. Also, both parents are more likely to be working. So, when toilet-training becomes difficult, where do they turn?
That’s why the York project is so encouraging. It didn’t lower expectations, but helped frazzled parents meet them. By bringing together nurseries, schools, GPs and local services, it gave families practical advice before children reached reception. The result was fewer children starting school in nappies. The lesson here is that support and expectations aren’t mutually exclusive.
We’ve become oddly reluctant to say that some responsibilities belong primarily at home. Schools are expected to teach children to read, regulate emotions, eat with cutlery, tie shoelaces, brush teeth, and now, toilet train. Teachers just get on with it because the children in front of them need caring for. But it should not have become part of the job description.
Perhaps it isn’t always reactionary to say something was better in the old days. Sometimes, it’s actually helpful to recognise that we’ve lowered expectations without noticing. But, with a bit of practical help, there’s no reason we can’t raise them again.