SINGAPORE: A father took to social media to share that he wants to send his domestic helper home without warning after his toddler suffered a bloody fall under her care, but his wife believes they should give her three days to prepare for her departure.
In a post on r/askSingapore on Thursday (Oct 22), the father said the helper had worked for the family for a year, with childcare as her main responsibility.
He recalled that the toddler fell forward and hit his chin against the TV console one evening after his bath, when the helper was changing him and putting on his trousers. CCTV footage allegedly showed that she had failed to support the child properly.
“From what we saw on our CCTV footage, she failed to support him properly. The impact was bad enough that there was blood around his mouth and lips, and even on my wife’s shoulder as she frantically tried to calm him down while he screamed and cried uncontrollably. We felt that the accident could have been avoided had she been more attentive.”
The father claimed the helper did not apologise or acknowledge her role in the incident, instead blaming the toddler “for running around” as she changed him.
His concerns deepened the following night, when the toddler struggled to sleep, screamed hysterically, and repeatedly called out for “auntie.”
Despite hearing his wails, the helper allegedly did not come out to check on the child or show any concern. Instead, the parents claimed they could hear her laughing and talking in her room.
“We tried soothing him for more than an hour and finally had to bring him on a car ride before he finally fell asleep. He had zero issues at bedtime prior to his fall.”
Beyond those two nights, the employer said he has long been concerned about her caregiving style.
Whenever the family went out, the helper allegedly relied on “eye power” when their toddler ran around. Rather than actively watching out for potential hazards and stepping in before anything happened, she would observe him from a distance.
To be fair, he said he did not particularly mind her phone use or what she did during her free time. His main concern was her lack of attentiveness when caring for his child.
“I also have no major complaints about her work quality or cleanliness. Other than her phone usage and lack of awareness of her surroundings, she generally does her household duties well,” he added.
The couple are now divided on what to do next. He said he wants to send her home as soon as possible as he no longer trusts her with his child’s safety. His wife, however, feels it would be “heartless” to dismiss her abruptly and suggests giving her about three days’ notice instead of making arrangements behind her back and informing her only on the day of departure.
“I understand where my wife is coming from. I’m not trying to be cruel or deny her basic consideration. At the same time, I believe our child’s safety has to come first.”
Seeking advice, he asked the online community, “Would you inform the helper beforehand and give her the choice to choose whether she to be sent back to her agency or back home, or settle the necessary arrangements first before breaking the news to her on the day itself and sending her off directly?”
“Am I being unreasonable for wanting to minimise the time between informing her and her departure, given that I no longer trust her to look after my toddler? And also, partially to avoid cases of theft / funny issues, etc., after she knows for sure she will be heading back home. Has anyone engaged a runner or agency to handle a helper’s repatriation? How did the process go?”
‘Your helper clearly does not care about your toddler’
After reading the post, many Singaporean Redditors sided with the father and agreed the domestic helper needed to be sent home for her negligence.
The top comment on the post read, “Don’t give any notice. After you tell her, give her an hour to pack. Watch her closely. You are RIGHT. You have a toddler. Take no chance.”
Another commented, “You guys are simply too nice. I made that mistake with my first helper, as I was also a first-time employer and was idealistic about it. Let her go on the same day you inform her.”
A third remarked, “Your helper clearly does not care about your toddler if she doesn't even feel any remorse over that incident.”
On the other hand, some users questioned why the maid seemed to be carrying the bulk of the responsibility for the child’s safety.
One user wrote, “Two things stood out to me. When you go out together with her as a family, you expect her to anticipate potential dangers. Then what about you and your wife?”
“Secondly, despite the helper’s carelessness and causing your child to be injured, when the child is crying, he is calling out for her instead of both of you. I’m not making any judgement on your parenting, but from how you describe things, I’m not sure how close your child is with either of you.”
Another pointed out that the child would be affected if the maid were sent home. “It appears that your child has a close relationship with his nanny. Have you thought about the fact that if she is fired, he’ll miss her?”
“You seem to have little regard for your child’s emotional needs and connection with her. While you’re on outings with your child, you should show more involvement and connection with him.”/TISG
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