IT’S NOT really a destination, but old age is a matter of getting there, hopefully in one piece. And it’s not even clear how the path will twist and turn before it slows down or stops.
Nature does all the work as far as age and its effects are concerned. The increasing blemishes in the face, skin tags, moles, wrinkling, loose folds under the arm that do the shimmy when walking. Repetition of questions and stories as well as speaking in a loud voice seem to come naturally.
The effort to seem younger does not extend only to looks, with all the marketing of cosmetic and medical treatments involved. Does the aging protocol extend to how the elderly person conducts himself in his social interaction?
An elderly person (let’s say past 70) even without a diagnosed serious ailment, can seldom be described to be in the pink of health. (His heart is that of a 35-year-old librarian.) There are complaints of recurring aches and pains at different times of the day, perhaps an occasional slurring.
In our family-oriented culture, deference is automatically extended to the elderly. The three-generation household is not unusual. And this is how children learn to deal with the grandparents.
Even from the younger generation, respect for the elderly is expected. The form of address acknowledges the age gap. From the address of kuya (older brother) to tatang and finally (and this is not always meant to be an insult) lolo (grandpa) the perceived seniority is established.
The elevator door is held back to let the elderly walk in slowly. The waitress stretches an arm to help a senior clear the steps. The proper address is extended, depending on how big the age gap is between helper and helped.
One pitfall of getting old is the shifting expectations on what is considered age-appropriate behavior. The stereotypical behavior of the elderly shifts with the changing reactions to what used to be considered acceptable. This level of acceptance is presumed when it comes to forgetting names and faces, as well as walking too slowly in public places. (Watch out for the dog, Sir.)
The unexpected behavior of the elderly has even been covered in the news.
There is no longer anything amusing with an inappropriate comment from a presumably dignified and elderly public figure. The casual remark was picked up by media — I’m also single, Ma’am. Is this unexpected form of self-introduction supposed to ease the tension of a formal probe? (No pun intended.)
Remarks with lewd meanings may have once been just brushed off as the ramblings of a Dirty Old Man (DOM). No longer are such inappropriate comments considered amusing.
What about ridiculing the onslaught of senility?
The current leader with the blond toupee used to ridicule his predecessor as bumbling in his speech and randomly dozing off in his job. Then irony struck as the mocker then falls into the same pattern of elderly behavior. There are photos of him snoozing at meetings or ballgames. Does he also emit noxious gases based on the photos of the scrunched up faces of observers behind him?
There is also a recent news item of an elderly man in a warehouse store in the US who was publicly assaulted. A 17-year-old clerk nearly bumping a grocery cart into the victim’s wife was afterwards castigated by him. This teenager decided to call his parents, possibly to report his perceived humiliation. In the public confrontation, the clerk’s parents violently assaulted and killed the elderly shopper.
There seems to no longer be an accepted code of conduct for the elderly. Even previously accepted behavior can invite unexpected reactions from others of a different generation.
Most of the elderly quietly go about their business and deal with the discomfort of aging. Some others feel entitled to assert themselves and somehow invite the ire of those who feel offended. (Sir, you must wait for your turn.)
The behavior of the elderly has become more significant with longer lifespans being recorded in our demography. The average life expectancy of the Filipino as of 2025 is 71 years. For the male, it is 67.2 years. And for the female it is 73.2 years.
Is there a reason why the women live a bit longer? Maybe, they are better at handling details… like wakes.
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO of TOUCH xda.