I guess the New York Jets didn’t get the memo. This was supposed to be a Deshaun Watson lovefest kind of day. A day where, much to the chagrin of those of us with a moral compass and a functional memory, football fans worldwide could declare Watson was “so back” and that the Browns were in some blinkered, alternate universe, a Super Bowl contender. No such luck, as the Browns looked like the Browns – reminding an otherwise jubilant city of Cleveland that they are trapped in the sports equivalent of the Backrooms.
Limping along for 155 passing yards and one touchdown, Watson fell to Earth harder than David Bowie in a Nicolas Roeg film (yes, I just watched the Dennis Miller Monday Night Football documentary on HBO). He completed fewer than 50% of his passes and ended the day with a 69.6 QBR. I should also probably mention he got sacked eight times. Yes, eight times. EIGHT TIMES. He only completed seven more passes than he received punishing hits behind the line of scrimmage. It was a performance NBC NFL writer Patrick Daugherty called “unspeakably bad.” Actually, I think the performance was very much speakable, as I’ve demonstrated here. Stick around for another 400 words.
Related: NFL roundup: Daniels’ overtime blunder costs Commanders as Giants salvage wild 27-27 tie
The thing that has defined Watson’s run as a potentially viable NFL quarterback has been his ability to march down the field and win a game in the dying embers of the contest. After three game-winning drives to start the season, it seemed like the Browns were poised to pull out another improbable victory from deep where the sun don’t shine, but no. Not today.
On 4th and 11 – with less than a minute left in the 4th quarter, down by five – Watson dropped back, only for his pocket to evaporate faster than a spilled Dasani in the middle of the Mojave Desert. Ejected violently from the pocket, Watson begins to scramble. On 4th and 11, by the way. He’s unceremoniously tackled near the line of scrimmage, putting the game on ice.
Starting off Sunday, these seemed like two teams going in the opposite direction, but the reality on the field was more like the Spider-Man pointing meme. Offensive ineptitude, with both the Jets and Browns recording fewer than 300 yards of total offense, giving away two fumbles, and failing to convert touchdowns twice in the red zone. The New York Post might have called this game “tense” and “gritty”, but I’m sure many viewers could think of more apropos adjectives to describe what they witnessed – a game that hinged on a botched snap sailing through the hands of Browns punter Corey Bojorquez. That wayward punt turned into a game-winning touchdown for Jets RB Braelon Allen.
This loss, dropping Cleveland to 3-2 on the year, felt like a necessary corrective to the hyperbole and early extension talks around Watson’s early successes. American sports fans love a comeback story, but this one is mired in issues that are far more important than football. It certainly makes everyone’s life easier when he plays like this.
MVP of the week
Cam Little, K, Jacksonville Jaguars. Sure, there’s probably more splashy statistical performances from today. You could make a strong case for Drake Maye, whose 374 yards and four touchdowns gave the Patriots a resounding win over the Raiders. But I’m not going to do that, because we ride for placekickers when I’m around. In a bleak, dystopian ending that felt more like the final five minutes of Digger than a football game, the Eagles went up 17-16 with a mere eight seconds left in the contest. Philadelphia Eagles head coach Nick Sirianni, misplacing his copy of Football for Dummies, decided to have his kicker boot the ball in play rather than ice it with a touchback. A 53-yard return by Ameer Abdullah perfectly set up a gargantuan field goal to win the game for the Jags.
“I didn’t make the right decision, and I lost us that game, and that’s what I said to our guys,” Sirianni told the media after Christmas came early in London for Jacksonville. Now, a 57-yard field goal with nearly no time left on the clock isn’t exactly a gimmie. One could maybe forgive Sirianni for thinking the chances of a field goal from distance to steal the game was unlikely. Except, the Jaguars’ placekicker is Cam Little – the man who holds the record for the longest made field goal in NFL history. A record he set almost a full year ago. The Eagles gave Little a dagger. He should be commended for knowing how to use it.
Video of the week
The Texans won their first game of the year, demolishing an equally troubled, still-winless Titans team 26-3. CJ Stroud dropped 261 yards, a passing touchdown, and a running touchdown on Tennessee, cementing a bounce-back moment that has the NFL buzzing about just how much money he’ll command on the free-agent market. More importantly, today’s result is coupled with news of Houston getting Stroud reinforcements. WR Marvin Harrison is on the way to the Texans from the Cardinals and Houston coach DeMeco Ryans was more than happy to officially drop the bomb in a brief post-game presser:
Brevity really is the soul of wit.
Stat of the week
Before their drubbing by the Patriots, the Raiders had scored at least 26 points in all four of their games this season. Here, they didn’t score a touchdown until the fourth quarter, managing 17 meager points on the road at Gillette Stadium. Las Vegas had a chance to keep pace with the AFC West leading Chiefs during KC’s bye week, but Kirk Cousins was sacked three times and couldn’t convert scoring opportunities into touchdowns. Cousins was replaced by rookie Fernando Mendoza in garbage time, showing how thoroughly the Raiders were handled today. They certainly didn’t benefit from giving up 165 rushing yards, spread across multiple New England players (including 25 yards on the ground for Maye). The Pats grabbed 8.1 yards per play, as efficient and deadly as it gets.
Elsewhere around the league
• After a World Cup in North America, I hope everyone here has gotten used to the concept of a tie. The Giants and Commanders certainly are. In an example of hopeless, foggy-eyed game management, Washington blew a chance to win the game in overtime. A Cam Skattebo turnover handed the Commanders the ball with enough time for QB Jayden Daniels to march down to the New York 24-yard line. A luxurious 12 seconds remained on the clock. More than enough time to plunk in a field goal to win it. Except, the Commanders wandered around the line of scrimmage for exactly 12 seconds and never did snap the ball, let alone spike it to stop the clock to set up for a kick. Commanders coach Dan Quinn, like Nick Sirianni in the Eagles-Jags game, took the blame for the mistake. For once, I’d like to see a coach just completely throw his players under the bus. “Hey man, I’m not playing. Don’t look at me.” Just for variety.
• Put the phone down. No need to call the authorities on your friends who are Steelers fans. After a game with visible tension between Aaron Rodgers and head coach Mike McCarthy on Thursday Night Football on 1 October, the ship was righted in Steel City, USA. Rodgers looked tidy and comfortable, connecting in the end zone with Pat Freiermuth twice to defeat the Colts 34-22.
• The Vikings are still undefeated, dropping the Saints to 1-4 on the year. The game was not as close as the 23-13 score, with Minnesota dominating every major team category. New Orleans finished with a paltry 142 total yards. Only 55 of those came on the ground. The Saints only recorded one offensive touchdown, with the other coming on a fumble recovery by safety Jonas Sanker. The story was far different for the Vikes. Minnesota RB Aaron Jones gobbled up 113 yards and one touchdown in front of moribund Saints fans in the Superdome. QB Kyler Murray benefitted greatly from Justin Jefferson’s return to action, throwing for 229 yards and a touchdown. Can anyone beat this Vikings team? They’ve got a bye in week six, then the 2-3 Colts, back at US Bank Stadium. That doesn’t seem promising for Indy.
• The winless Dolphins almost pulled off a last-second miracle against the Bengals, pulling within a touchdown with less than a minute left in the game. But kicker Riley Patterson missed the extra point before an onside kick attempt to recover possession was unsuccessful. Cincinnati took the win 31-24 off a splashy four-touchdown day for Joe Burrow. Can anyone lose to this Dolphins team? They’ve got a bye in week six, then the 2-3 Jets, on the road at MetLife Stadium. That doesn’t seem promising for viewers.
• The NFL’s oldest rivalry continued, with the Packers tossing the Bears in a meat freezer and locking the door. Metaphorically speaking. Green Bay danced away with the win in the two teams’ 214th ever matchup (including playoffs), 31-7. Bears QB Caleb Williams, perhaps the most hated man in Wisconsin after his ruthless comeback win against Green Bay in last year’s playoffs, remained out. In his stead, Tyson Bagent looked worse than anyone could have imagined, 12-of-21 for 87 yards and two interceptions before being benched for Case Keenum. At most, Bears coach Ben Johnson would say that Williams is “on track” to return, but with no definitive date set. NFL reporter Ian Rappaport did suggest that there’s a chance he can play in week six against the Atlanta Falcons. Perhaps the Chicago faithful should place a call to Pope Leo to speed this thing along.
• As a Rams fan still smarting from our disastrous Australian drubbing, the last thing I want to talk about is the 49ers looking like the class of the entire NFL. But San Francisco’s trip to Lumen Field to face Seattle might have been the most consequential matchup of week five. The NFC West has three legitimate Super Bowl contenders (and the Cardinals), and two of them faced off here on Sunday. Seattle and San Francisco traded punches all day, but the game came down to rare, crucial mistakes, as matchups between good teams often do.
Seahawks QB Sam Darnold threw two pivotal interceptions, RB George Holani fumbled right before halftime, leading to a touchdown that put the 49ers up by eight. Seattle exploded for a touchdown and two field goals in the third, tilting the scales back in their direction. But a seven-yard TD pass from Brock Purdy to Brandin Cooks flipped the script yet again. A successful two-point conversion gave the Niners a three-point lead. Seattle kicker Jason Myers tied it up with a little under seven minutes to play, but the Seahawks couldn’t get a stop to force overtime. A 44-yard Eddy Pineiro field goal gave the 49ers a slim advantage. Darnold linked with WR Cooper Kupp, who just nearly converted a fourth-and 10 at the 50, which would have given Seattle one last crack at the ballgame. But a controversial spot of the ball left Kupp short and handed San Francisco their fifth win of 2026. And they did it without ace receiver Deebo Samuel, who left the game in the third quarter with a hamstring injury. Niners fans hold their breath. And I put another pin in the voodoo doll.