Friend on rent: Editorial on how festivals often heighten the sense of loneliness

A friend in need is a friend indeed — provided the payment is made on time. Several advertisements offering ‘rent a friend’ services for Durga Puja in Calcutta put a price on what is supposed to be a priceless commodity — companionship. The charges, the ads claim, are commensurate with time and the permissible activities — Rs 799 for two hours, Rs 1,399 for four, and Rs 2,299 for eight hours of, say, thakur dyakha while munching on goodies. There was a time when household expenses had to cover Puja shopping. In these times of inflationary pressure, it appears that Bengali households must also set aside a sum for their younger members to ‘shop’ for a friend.

Pandal-hopping, adda, photographs and meals feature in such friendship packages. Even an attentive listener — a rare specimen these days — can be booked. Such
ventures that deftly bridge commerce and faith have precedents elsewhere: paid garba partners have been advertised in Gujarat; Japanese agencies supply ‘wedding guests’; and the international platform, RentAFriend, promotes companions for Christmas parties.

A common pattern can be discerned across cultures though. Festive occasions seem to bring out a need for companionship that is so acute that people are ready to pay for it. Festivals make loneliness especially difficult because festivities are social occasions that are connected to the sense of collective belonging and community. Families thus put pressure on unattached people to find partners at such a time. Social media amplifies — demonises? — the feeling of loneliness with the algorithmic bombardment of images of crowded dinners and affectionate couples. In fact, it is important to direct research towards this emerging phenomenon since festive loneliness is a rising global trend. The findings can be illuminating.

In The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm argued that a culture organised around transactionalism encourages people to approach relationships through the template of commercial calculations. The Puja advertisements of paid company demonstrate a similar arrangement: a purchased experience leads to an overtly material and public display of association. It is true that paid companionship may provide genuine relief; those seeking it need not be vilified either. The trouble is when unmet needs for organic companionship turn people towards mercantile relationships instead of encouraging them to analyse the social conditions responsible for their loneliness.

There is, though, a case for festivals to cultivate a sense of community for those without companionship. Puja committees could make shared meals, volunteering and cultural activities open for people who arrive alone. In fact, such encounters can offer opportunities for friendships to develop in a more substantial way. A festival devoted to collective celebration should make belonging easier without requiring the lonely to book a temporary friend.