** Celebrity Traitors episode five spoilers follow **
We’re now halfway through the second season of Celebrity Traitors, but the BBC show still hasn’t clicked into place like the chaotic, unpredictable first outing did.
First there was the discombobulating effect of Richard E Grant giving his traitorous identity away, then the reluctance of recruited turncoats Hannah Fry and James Acaster to prey upon the Faithful.
Now, Joe Lycett is gleefully going around the castle advertising his desire to be recruited to anyone who will listen.
Admittedly, it’s Joe Lycett, so everything he says should be taken with a healthy dose of salt, but it contributes to a glaring issue the civilian version has never suffered from: the celebs aren’t taking the game all that seriously.
The stars don’t seem as interested in the intrigue, mystery and betrayal that define the programme.
And why would they?
Unlike the normies on The Traitors, there isn’t a life-changing amount of money and the promise of post-castle fame on the line, not to mention the corresponding concern that they might have abandoned careers to take the train to Inverness, only to be sent packing early on.
Unlike the US version, where the famous faces are competing to keep the cash, this lot appears on behalf of a charity, which is more noble but does impact the drama.
As evidenced during the mission in which Ross Kemp and co rescued every contestant before they turned to the matter of the money shows where their priorities really lie.
Take the key quandary at the end of last episode, where the celebs up for murder quickly agreed Leigh-Anne Pinnock would be protected. The civvies would have chased one another through the woods before they let a shield go so easily.
The only sword hanging over the celeb necks is the fearsome reality TV ‘bad edit’, which could sully their warm public perception. But the risk of even that is slim on this show compared to, say, Celebrity Big Brother, which this cohort seem far too clever (or famous?) to indulge.
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Ironically, I suspect thoughts of public reception are also feeding into the issue with this series, where they are very reluctant to knife one another in the back. Maya Jama has had to poke and prod Hannah Fry and James Acaster into being half decent conclave members.
Their reluctance to splatter the walls with blood, as reality TV virtuoso Maya wants them to, is relatable. I wouldn’t want to kill off all my famous new mates either. But the Love Island host having to coax them and pretend they’re worth protecting at the roundtable is making for a tedious viewing experience.
I keep on banging on about Alan Carr, but with this season as a comparison it is even clearer how superb a booking he was. Brimming with quips. Game for anything, in and out of the turret.
Avid killer. ‘They’d do it to me, they’re showbiz people!’ he told Claudia Winkleman before she picked him – in this series, the prevailing sentiment seems to be ‘I can’t do it to them, they’re showbiz people’.
The casting team hit the jackpot with the Chattyman. I suspect they thought the jaw-dropping list of showbiz names for this second season would guarantee more of the same TV gold.
But in reality, it has resulted in a chummy luvvies away day vibe at the expense of the ruthless, shoulder-watching one we’re used to (which somewhat explains James Blunt’s wardrobe choices).
Casting five comedians was likely an attempt to replicate the Alan alchemy, and perhaps tread on Last One Laughing’s toes but having a line-up who know each other so well has been detrimental for the game.
And do we need the gags that badly? The Traitors proper has trucked along with line-ups of truly humourless individuals. If anything, the current lot needs a stern talking to, perhaps from Ross Kemp, who is the only one treating it with the same unblinking seriousness he would display speaking to a cartel boss.
In order to avoid similar pitfalls for season three, the casting team should not pack the castle like it’s the Apollo stage. We need celebrities that do not know each other and who we do not know as well either.
Doing the former gets rid of any luvvy camaraderie, while the latter allows the show to mint new stars. Cat Burns and Joe Marler were unexpected delights last series; the rugby player came closest to stealing the crown from Alan, with a series of spot-on guesses.
It was an oversight not to cast another athlete this year; we definitely didn’t need Rob Beckett and Romesh Ranganathan – neither are exactly short of work on our screens.
Hannah and King Kenny are lesser known names who this year have had an outsized impact on the game – the latter all the more so after the latest developments.
While James is clearly going to quiet quit the turret, Kenny is ready to embrace his new deadly duties. The social media star’s maniacal laugh as the credits rolled is exactly what Maya needs and, in all honesty, what this season does.
We’re already halfway through the episodes, but the recruitment of Kenny could be what finally shapes this season into one worthy of The Alan Show that went before it.
Celebrity Traitors continues on BBC One on Friday at 8pm.
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