When a Parent Denies Your Abusive Childhood Experiences

A recent political ad in Ohio’s 2026 gubernatorial race has sparked controversy after candidate Vivek Ramaswamy released a video featuring the estranged mother of his opponent, Dr. Amy Acton. In the ad, Acton’s mother, Donna Arthur, calls her daughter a liar and disputes her account of her childhood, urging voters not to elect her as governor (Ohio Capital Journal, 2026).

The controversy is especially painful given Acton’s publicly documented family history. Acton has said she experienced sexual abuse by her stepfather as a child and that her mother failed to protect her. In 1978, when Acton was 12, her stepfather was arrested and indicted on charges involving the rape of a child. Acton and her brother were subsequently removed from their mother's custody, and the siblings have said they have been estranged from their mother since childhood. Her stepfather was never tried on those charges (WOSU Public Media, 2026).

While the ad has drawn criticism from people across the political spectrum, the situation raises a deeply personal question: What happens when someone who was part of our childhood disputes our experience of it? And what happens when that person publicly calls us a liar about our own experiences?

It is one thing to have someone disagree with you about an event you experienced as an adult. It is something else entirely when the person questioning your memory is someone who helped shape your earliest understanding of the world. Someone who was there. Someone who, in many cases, was supposed to protect you.

Exploiting Childhood Trauma and Reinforcing Victim-Blaming

When a parent disputes their child's experience of childhood, the disagreement is rarely just about what happened. It can reach much deeper, touching the child's sense of self, their memories, and their ability to trust their own perceptions.

For many survivors, victim blaming continues long after childhood abuse has ended. They may have spent years trying to make sense of their experiences, perhaps through therapy, conversations with trusted people, or simply hoping the pain will dull with the passage of time. They may have reached a place where they can acknowledge what happened and begin to heal from it.

Then, a parent disputes their account, and suddenly they find themselves revisiting questions they thought they had already answered. And when this happens publicly, it can be retraumatizing. Instead of being able to process their experiences on their own terms, they may feel pressured to defend their memories, explain things, or prove that the abuse happened to them was real. Not only is this victim-blaming, but it is retraumatizing.

And when the person denying your experience is someone who was supposed to protect you, the pain can go far beyond feeling misunderstood; it can feel like a rejection of your reality all over again.

When Childhood Trauma Becomes Public, Victim Blaming Follows

When a parent comes forward publicly to dispute your claims of abuse, it can be retraumatizing. It can reopen wounds you may have spent years trying to heal, forcing you to revisit painful memories. And survivors then have to watch others weigh in on an experience they know very little about.

Part of what makes this so painful is that we often want our parents to understand us. Even as adults, we may hope that one day they will acknowledge what we experienced, recognize how their actions affected us, or, even just at minimum to simply listen without becoming defensive. We may hope that if we explain ourselves clearly enough, they will finally understand. So many survivors can relate to this hope. I can relate to this hope.

If you also know this pain, you are not alone in navigating this.

References