The Dalai Lama once said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
In life, we must pass multiple hurdles, obstacles, and tests that remove us from our comfort zone. These challenges shatter the fragile bubble or cocoon that we like to stay in.
On a stress scale from one to 10, people would rate losing a loved one, divorce, and marriage as 10. Moving house, retirement, and serious illness as nine. Graduation, changing jobs, and starting a family would be an eight. There is good stress and bad stress. Change is always stressful. Our attitude and ability to adapt would play a critical role in our response to the stressor.
The process of letting go causes severe anxiety, acute allergies, insomnia, nightmares, and chronic pain. Psychosomatic symptoms would wreak havoc on one’s peace of mind.
There are practical, mental, and physical signs of when it is time to go or to let go.
To illustrate, let us look at an organization or a house that is toxic.
Decluttering precedes moving. Thus, one goes through certain rituals — sorting through what should be disposed of, donated, or sold. It is tough (and painful) to decide on which furniture, objets d’art, books, paintings, vehicles, computers, and files should be kept. It is harder to choose which members of the staff can stay or be retired.
Sorting is an exercise of cleansing. The physical act of organizing is a parallel of internal distillation. We must unload and filter all kinds of accumulated (emotional) baggage and excess materials.
Some sentimental pieces, accessories, and gadgets may no longer fit into the new and simplified life, house, or office. One should choose to pack only the essential things. The rest must go into a disposal unit.
Settling in is the next big challenge. Unpacking and setting up, one must rearrange and reorganize things to fit into limited new space. Downsizing requires a lot of adjustments. Despite the hassles and frazzled nerves, the benefits of moving on are worth it.
One starts a new cycle, a new life that is bright and light. This new chapter in life’s journey highlights the importance of old friendships.
We should treasure true friends who bring loyalty, unconditional love, concern, understanding, humility, and a sense of selflessness. A genuine friendship is nurtured by mutual trust and shared experiences. Friends stick together through the roller coaster twists and sudden turns, ups and downs, pain or joy, conflict and resolution.
History is a big factor. Childhood friends eventually grow up to become best buddies, wedding sponsors, godparents, and work colleagues. A long buddyhood can survive petty quarrels, time, and geographical distance.
Friendship transcends many differences — in career choices, religious and political beliefs, and other issues.
One passes important milestones, hurdles obstacles, and survives the crises with a steadfast soulmate or confidante.
Upon reaching the crossroads, a true friend is there to hold one’s hand through thick and thin, feast or famine, in fair and foul weather.
Inevitably, like the moon and the tides, there are also natural cycles — the ebb and flow, the waxing and waning of a long-standing friendship.
A sudden rupture, personal or professional, may separate former confidantes. A minor spat can easily be repaired — like a tiny tear or scratch. However, a severe misunderstanding can leave a devastating wound.
Communication ceases as a defensive wall rises. The most difficult obstacle to overcome is false pride — the inability to say sorry, to be contrite, and concede rather than lose a friendship.
At this point, friends should act with humility and sincerity. Sometimes it is better to be kind than to argue, to lose but keep the friendship.
In Greek classical drama, hubris is “overweening pride that leads to disaster. The refusal to accept the authority of the gods.” This character flaw drowns the proud individual in emotional quicksand.
Once shattered into many pieces, a precious vase or porcelain statuette may still be patched up painstakingly. The restored heirloom may resemble the original… but only from a distance. Despite expert gluing and mending. The flaw lines and cracks mar the once perfect finish. The Japanese use 24k gold on the glue and the lines become exquisite in their intricate imperfection. On another level, the gold-filled crack in a flawed relationship appears almost normal on the surface. A glaze of social niceties gives the object a patina of character. It can camouflage the profound inner damage. Underneath the cool exterior, the fissure could be vulnerable to the slightest tremor.
To heal a wound completely, the protagonists should not only seek forgiveness and learn how to forgive, there should be nothing less than a mutual reaching out and a sincere reconciliation.
Cracks and scars notwithstanding, a friendship that goes through fire, the searing heat of catharsis, will endure.
Maria Victoria Rufino is an artist, writer and businesswoman. She is president and executive producer of Maverick Productions.