My people, we have entered dangerous times. A wedding has reportedly collapsed because the bride blew a kiss to her former boyfriend. Not an actual kiss, mind you. A flying kiss! One that travelled through the atmosphere without a passport, visa or boarding pass and, as far as we know, never even landed!
Marriage has become a high-risk investment!
According to the story accompanying a viral video, the bride spotted her ex near the church and allegedly dispatched a kiss in his direction. The groom, apparently operating a zero-tolerance policy on the importation of affection from previous relationships, reportedly cancelled the wedding immediately.
Just like that! Even ECG gives notice sometimes before disconnecting electricity. This gentleman allegedly disconnected an entire marriage before the pastor could say, “Dearly beloved!”
Now, before we condemn the groom, let us examine the seriousness of the offence. In matters of love, former boyfriends are supposed to remain in the archives, preferably under lock and key. Unfortunately, some people insist on maintaining diplomatic relations with former territories, even on the day of their presidential inauguration.
But was the offence the kiss itself, its destination or the fact that the recipient was an ex? If the bride had blown the same kiss towards her grandmother, would the wedding have continued? And if the ex had ducked, allowing the kiss to land harmlessly on a nearby goat, would the marriage have been saved?
These are constitutional questions requiring the intervention of the Supreme Court of Matrimonial Affairs.
Meanwhile, Facebook has constituted itself into a Commission of Inquiry. Judges, prosecutors, relationship counsellors and survivors of previous romantic earthquakes have assembled to deliver their verdicts.
One gentleman congratulates the groom for escaping a lifetime of trouble. Another wants to know who invited the ex. A third insists the bride was already displaying symptoms of future infidelity.
Wonderful! Some people can now diagnose twenty years of marital unfaithfulness from a two-second flying kiss. Even our most celebrated prophets, with all their spiritual surveillance equipment, cannot compete with such extraordinary powers of revelation.
But the bride has her defenders too. They argue that the groom overreacted. After all, nobody was physically kissed. There was no bodily contact, no acknowledgement of receipt and certainly no evidence that the ex signed for the consignment.
Perhaps the Ghana Civil Aviation Authority should intervene. Henceforth, all kisses directed towards former lovers must obtain flight clearance and maintain a safe distance from matrimonial airspace.
Personally, I am more worried about the wedding expenses.
Imagine the marriage lists, expensive kente, photographers, caterers, rented chairs and relatives transported from villages where even Google Maps requires directions. All these investments wiped out by a kiss that cost absolutely nothing!
Somewhere, an auntie has borrowed money to buy a magnificent outfit, only to discover that the marriage has died before the reception.
And what happens to the jollof? Whatever the alleged romantic misconduct, innocent rice must not suffer collective punishment!
Of course, beneath the comedy lies a serious matter. Relationships require trust, respect and sensible boundaries. But misunderstandings also deserve conversation before an entire marriage is sentenced to death.
Besides, we have only a viral caption and a short video, not the full facts. Yet social media has already convicted the bride, decorated the groom and sentenced the ex without hearing a single witness!
In the Republic of Uncommon Sense, we have learnt one important lesson: a kiss no longer needs to touch anybody to destroy a wedding.
And please, before blowing your next kiss, check the direction of the wind. You might accidentally blow away your marriage! 
NOW, LET THE REPUBLIC DECIDE: Was the groom a wise man who escaped disaster, or a man who allowed a kiss that never landed to blow away his marriage?