Going out alone sounds great in theory. You get to do whatever you want, leave whenever you want, and don't have to spend 45 minutes convincing your friends to go somewhere other than the same three bars you always haunt. But figuring out how to go out alone and actually meet people? That's where things get a little more complicated. Because apparently you're supposed to put your phone away, make eye contact with strangers, smile, and initiate conversations with actual human beings.
As a proud member of the socially awkward community, I personally find this whole concept deeply upsetting. I'm someone who's been known to struggle with “making friends” and “social interaction” and “not automatically assuming everyone hates me and thinks I'm a loser until proven otherwise.” When Olivia Rodrigo said, “Searchin' ‘how to start a conversation’ on a website,” I felt that.
And sure, dating apps exist for a reason. There's something deeply comforting about knowing someone is at least theoretically interested in you before you have to say actual words to them. But between dating app burnout, conversations that go absolutely nowhere, and the general desire to have a meet-cute that doesn't involve analyzing someone's Hinge prompts, the idea of meeting people IRL is looking pretty appealing.
Also, it’s worth mentioning that going out alone has benefits beyond potentially meeting someone cute, says Julie Nguyen, a certified dating coach at Hily Dating App. “When you go out alone, you can do something you love without worrying about whether your friends are enjoying themselves,” she says. “There’s something really nourishing about choosing an experience simply because you’re interested in it.”
Of course, enjoying your own company is one thing. Actually striking up a conversation with a stranger you find attractive? Entirely different situation. So we asked dating experts how to go out alone, meet new people, and maybe even score a date without making the whole experience feel like an elaborate exercise in public humiliation.
Expect (and Accept) Rejection
While the goal of going out alone might be to meet potential romantic partners, the reality is that bumping into the love of your life while minding your own business is…not particularly likely—and that's okay! Unlike dating apps, where you generally know there's at least some mutual interest before you start chatting, approaching someone IRL comes with a little more uncertainty. And yes, that means rejection is part of the deal.
You might strike out! You might feel awkward! You might try to start a conversation with someone, get turned down, and feel bad about it! All completely normal parts of interacting with actual human beings, unfortunately.
But according to Nguyen, getting comfortable with rejection is less about developing some superhuman immunity to embarrassment and more about taking the pressure off each interaction. “There can be joy in connecting with someone without immediately framing the interaction around whether they’re available or interested in dating you,” she says. “It doesn’t have to become a bigger story about you.”
Basically, not every conversation needs to end with a phone number, a date, or a dramatic retelling in the group chat. Sometimes you just talk to someone, and that's it. Revolutionary, I know.
Reframe Your Expectations
Again, going out alone is not some magic trick that will automatically attract hordes of suitors. If your goal is to leave with a date, you’re more likely to wind up disappointed than not.
“Reframe what ‘success’ means, because going out alone to meet people is not about meeting your future partner—it’s about enjoying yourself and practicing being comfortable in your own company,” says therapist and dating expert Michelle Herzog. “If you go out with the singular goal of finding someone, you’ll give off desperate energy and set yourself up for disappointment.”
Nguyen agrees. “Meeting someone should be the cherry on top of your ice cream, not the entire dessert,” she says.
This means being open to talking to anybody—not just potential romantic prospects. After all, you never know where a connection might lead. A new friend could turn out to be the person who sets you up on a date with one of their single friends or invites you to a party where you meet someone new. The goal is to have fun and connect with people, not just people you want to date.
Put Your Phone Away
Listen, I know. Your phone is basically a security blanket when you're out alone, but if you're hoping to meet people IRL, you're probably going to have to put the damn thing away. At least occasionally.
“Our phones and headphones have become defense mechanisms and signal ‘Do not approach or look at me’ to other people,” says Take It From a Woman editor Logan Mahan. “When we’re feeling slightly awkward or uncomfortable—especially about being alone in a public place—we check the time or absentmindedly open random apps to look busy. I think we’re all guilty of it.”
But if you want to meet people instead of just staring at your phone feeling awkward, you’re going to have to resist the urge to stare at your phone.
If you still need a buffer between you and the awkwardness, Mahan suggests bringing a book, adding that this could even get the attention of someone who might strike up a conversation about your reading material. Still, you’re going to need to resist the urge to rely too much on your social anxiety support prop, as burying your nose in a book and refusing to look at anything else gives pretty much the same “don’t talk to me” vibes as being glued to your phone but with an extra layer of pretentiousness.
Talk to People!
Okay, now for the tricky part: actually interacting with people.
“Be open, be personable, and don’t be afraid to initiate conversation,” says Mahan.
Remember: Bars, coffee shops, and other social spaces are perfectly normal places to strike up conversations with strangers. And as Mahan points out, your surroundings probably give you plenty of things to talk about: “If I overhear a group of guys talking about a sports team—especially one I don’t like—I have no problem inserting my opinion or cracking a joke. If I like a man’s jacket, I’ll tell him and ask him where it’s from. If he’s drinking a cocktail, I’ll ask him if it’s good or if I should order one for myself.”
In short, “Just be willing to yap,” says Mahan.
Eavesdrop
Fun fact: Eavesdropping is only rude if you don’t make your presence known. Otherwise, it’s just listening to what other people are saying and responding, which is also known as making conversation.
“Eavesdropping on the conversations happening around you is an easy way to introduce yourself and start up a conversation with someone,” says Mahan. Obviously, you need to read the room and avoid barging into someone’s intimate convo. “But if you hear someone discussing a new album or film or a sports team you have opinions on, wait for a slight lull in the conversation and say something like, ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help but overhear…,’” Mahan suggests. “Nine out of 10 times I’ve done this, people are very receptive and happy to chat.”
Talk to the Bartender
The bartender is basically your built-in social anxiety support friend. Not only do bartenders tend to be naturally social people, but chatting with customers is kind of part of the gig. If you’re too nervous to start a conversation with a fellow patron, try easing into things by chatting with someone who’s essentially getting paid to be there and make you feel welcome. (Assuming they’re not busy, of course. Again, reading the room is key!)
Not to mention, “Your bartenders might be familiar with that hot guy who’s sitting at the bar next to you,” says Mahan. “If you’re talking to the bartender, they might loop other patrons into the conversation.”
Become a Regular
Speaking of befriending the bartender, becoming a regular at a favorite spot is a great way to naturally get to know the staff and other regulars, says therapist and dating coach Kelsey Wonderlin, adding that it may take a few tries to find a place that you like. Being in an environment where you feel welcome and comfortable will obviously help put you at ease, and going to the same place multiple times will allow you to form connections gradually over time.
And when it comes to finding your new go-to spot, Nguyen recommends looking for places that encourage conversation, whether that's a bar with quieter music, a neighborhood coffee shop, or a local event where you're likely to run into familiar faces. “You want to find places where there are built-in conversation starters because they make it easier to interact with strangers,” she says. “And don't underestimate the value of going to the same places consistently. Familiarity gives connection somewhere to grow, and conversations can happen more naturally over time.”
“Timing matters too,” adds Herzog. “Try happy hour or weeknight evenings when the pace is slower rather than packed Saturday nights.” You obviously don’t want to go somewhere that’s totally dead, but a super-loud, crowded hot spot is probably not going to be conducive to actually getting to know people.
Don’t Be Afraid to Approach People (Especially Men)
As a woman who dates men, I know many of us (myself included) prefer to let the guys make the first move. But if you’re waiting around for a man to chat you up, you’re probably just wasting your own time.
“Many confident, awesome guys are afraid to approach women because they don’t want to be perceived as creepy,” says matchmaker and dating coach Blaine Anderson, founder of Dating by Blaine. “Stop waiting and take the lead.”
Nguyen points out that making the first move doesn't have to mean throwing yourself at someone and hoping for the best. “It can be eye contact, a smile, or starting a small conversation that gives him an opening to meet you there,” she says.
See? You don't even need a pickup line. Sometimes you just have to look up from your phone and smile at a hot stranger. Manageable! Allegedly.
It’s Okay to Have a Go-To Opening Line
Ideally, you’ll be able to strike up a conversation organically, but it’s totally fine to have a go-to icebreaker on file if you need it. Because sometimes “just be yourself” is deeply unhelpful advice when you're trying to talk to a hot stranger.
Herzog suggests asking someone for a small recommendation, like what drink they usually order or if they’ve tried the food. “It is low-pressure, gives the other person an easy out if they’re not interested, and opens the door naturally.”
Nguyen also recommends commenting on something you're experiencing together, whether that's asking someone about a hiking trail or chatting about a book at an author event. The idea is really just to have something chill—not too aggressive, niche, or overtly flirtatious—to break the ice.
“The hardest part is taking the first step, so don’t sweat coming up with the perfect line,” says Anderson. “You can literally say, ‘I don’t think we’ve met—I’m [insert name].’ If you’re feeling bold, you could say, ‘I think you’re cute, so I wanted to say hi.’ You can say almost anything you want.”
Be Approachable
While making the first move instead of waiting to be approached is obviously encouraged, making yourself seem approachable is also important.
“Body language is everything. If you’re hunched over your phone or have your arms crossed, you’re essentially wearing a ‘do not disturb’ sign,” says Herzog. “Instead, sit or stand facing outward rather than tucking into a corner, make occasional eye contact with people around you, and smile when something genuinely amuses you.”
Herzog also recommends wearing or bringing some kind of conversation piece, “like a unique piece of jewelry or clothing, an interesting book cover, or a sports team hat. These ‘social hooks’ give people an easy, nonthreatening opportunity to start talking.”
And while you're looking for signs that someone might want to approach you, it doesn't hurt to pay attention to whether they're actually interested in chatting, either. “Look for reciprocity,” says Nguyen. “Are they taking off their headphones, looking at you, asking you questions back, and angling their body language towards you?”
If they're distracted, giving one-word answers, or clearly trying to get back to whatever they were doing, take the hint and move along. No need to force a conversation that isn't happening.
And when in doubt, remember that sometimes eye contact speaks louder than words.
“Make eye contact with someone across the room,” says Mahan. “Let them know you’re there, you’ve noticed them, and you’re open to a conversation—and let the universe take it from there.”