Foreplay has a bit of a PR problem. For something that's supposed to be fun, it's spent way too long being treated like the opening act for penetrative sex. A few kisses, some touching, maybe a little dirty talk, and then on to the main event. Except here's the thing: Foreplay can be the main event. And frankly, it deserves better than being treated like something you have to get through before the "real" sex starts.
Plus, foreplay isn't just about getting physically turned on. It's about giving your brain a chance to get in on the action, too. “Many people experience what’s called ‘responsive desire,’” says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a Kinsey-certified sexologist and professor of sexual communication. “They don’t necessarily feel turned on until their body is properly stimulated.” In other words, you don't always have to be in the mood before things get started. Sometimes, desire shows up along the way.
Of course, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to getting turned on. From dirty talk and teasing to oral sex and experimenting with sex toys, it's all about different strokes for different folks (you know, literally). Below, 30 foreplay ideas worth adding to your sexual repertoire.
What Is Foreplay?
If the word “foreplay” makes you picture some half-hearted groping before things really get started, it's time to rethink that definition. “Foreplay is the art of physically and emotionally connecting with your partner in order to create sexual desire, arousal, and intimacy together,” explains Pam Shaffer, a marriage and family therapist.
And that can look like a whole lot of things. Hot kisses, sexting, sensual massages, mutual masturbation, and even oral sex can all count as foreplay. Some of these activities also fall under the umbrella of outercourse, a broad term for sexual activities that don't involve penetration. And none of them have to be a stepping stone to penetrative sex. They can be the entire sexual experience if that's what you're into.
Foreplay can also help your body physically prepare for certain kinds of sexual activity. As arousal builds, increased blood flow and natural lubrication can make stimulation more comfortable and pleasurable, particularly for people with vulvas. “When you give yourself time to gradually increase blood flow, it reduces the likelihood of discomfort,” explains Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT. “It also deepens psychological attraction.”
Of course, there's no rule that says every sexual encounter needs foreplay, either. Sometimes you're in the mood to get straight to it, and sometimes you want to spend an hour making out or exploring each other's bodies. It's all about what feels good to you and your partner, whether that includes penetration, an orgasm, both, or neither.
30 Foreplay Ideas to Try With Your Partner
1. Start Sexting Before You See Each Other
Sexting is one of the easiest ways to build anticipation, especially if you need a little mental warm-up first. “[People with vaginas] can get wet from just the right kind of sexting,” says Dr. Tara. “Compliments, anticipation, the naughtiness; it’s perfect foreplay without touching.”
This could be a mid-morning text like, “Can’t stop thinking about you in that shirt,” or a late-afternoon voice note about what you want to do later. The point isn't Shakespearean wordplay (unless that's your thing). It's giving your partner something to think about until you're together again. Just make sure they're cool with receiving sexy messages before you start sending anything NSFW.
2. Make Out Like It's Your First Date
When was the last time you kissed for more than a few seconds without it being a means to an end? “Extended make outs build oxytocin, spark arousal, and help couples reconnect,” says Dr. Joy. So ditch the pressure to get naked immediately and just…kiss.
Try it on the couch. In the car. Against the kitchen counter. Bonus points for making out in a semi-public place (not that public—let’s stay legal). That sneakiness? That first-date energy? It's pure gold.
3. Try Oral Sex
Whether you're giving, receiving, or taking turns, oral sex is a chance to focus on pleasure without making penetration the end goal. And yes, oral sex absolutely counts as sex on its own. Consider this permission to make it the whole damn meal.
“This is the best way to take turns in bed and really focus on what brings your partner pleasure,” says Shaffer. “Giving your partner pleasure is also a huge turn-on, so it's a win-win for all involved. Who doesn't like to see their partner happy?”
Take your time, experiment with different pressures and rhythms, and pay attention to what your partner actually enjoys. A little communication goes a long way here, whether that's asking what feels good or encouraging them to tell you when you've found the right spot.
4. Give a Really Good Hand Job
Hand jobs deserve a comeback. Seriously, just because you've graduated from awkward backseat hookups doesn't mean you have to retire a perfectly good way to get someone off. With the right technique (and plenty of lube), using your hands can feel just as good as other forms of stimulation.
Start with a gentle grip and slow strokes, then experiment with pressure, speed, and twisting motions to see what your partner likes. You can also use your other hand to explore their thighs or other sensitive areas. And don't be afraid to ask what feels good. After all, nobody knows their penis better than the person attached to it.
5. Explore Fingering and External Touch
You don't need a penis (or a silicone version of one) to enjoy penetration, and you definitely don't need penetration to have a good time. Whether you're gently circling someone's clitoris, teasing around their vaginal opening, or exploring fingering, your fingers can do a whole lot of heavy lifting in the pleasure department.
Start with clean hands, trimmed nails, and plenty of lube, then experiment with different pressures, speeds, and movements. You might try slow circles around the clitoris, gentle strokes along the labia, or inserting one finger if your partner wants internal stimulation. The trick is to pay attention to their reactions and ask what feels good rather than assuming faster, harder, or deeper is automatically better.
6. Give Their Nipples Some Attention
Nipples deserve some love, too. And no, nipple play isn't just for people with breasts. People of all genders can enjoy nipple stimulation, whether that means gentle caresses, kisses, licking, or a little pinching.
Start with light touches around the nipples and areolas before experimenting with different sensations. You can trace circles with your fingertips, gently flick your tongue, or try a little suction if your partner is into it. Just remember that nipple sensitivity varies a lot from person to person, so what feels amazing to one person might be uncomfortable for another. Check in before increasing the intensity, and if you're both curious about taking things further, nipple clamps are another option to explore.
7. Casually (and Consensually) Touch Each Other
Spoiler: Not all foreplay needs to have Bridgerton-level choreography. In fact, the little touches throughout your day—like pulling your partner close while they're loading the dishwasher or grabbing their butt while they're brushing their teeth—can help build anticipation without making a whole production out of it. “Playful touch keeps you attuned to your partner and releases oxytocin,” says Dr. Tara. “It helps build anticipation throughout the day.”
The keyword is consensual. You're not springing surprise boob grabs on someone who isn't in the mood. You're engaging in playful, familiar touch that reminds your partner: Hey, I still want you.
8. Whisper Something Dirty
One well-timed sentence can do a whole lot of heavy lifting. “I want to feel you later.” “I can't stop thinking about last night.” “What would you do if we didn't have to be somewhere in ten minutes?” Dr. Tara calls this “mental foreplay,” and says it's just as important as anything physical.
“Instead of hinting, say, ‘I want to use this toy on you and watch you lose it,’” suggests Dr. Tara. Tell your partner what you want to do to them, what you want them to do to you, or exactly what you're thinking about while they're standing right in front of you. Lean in while they're making dinner, murmur something during a kiss, or say it in bed when they're least expecting it. Confidence is hot, and sometimes being direct is even hotter.
9. Try a Sensual Massage
This isn't the “rub their shoulders for 30 seconds before pouncing” kind of massage. This is slow, intentional, exploratory touch with zero goal beyond pleasure. “Sensual massage, including yoni or prostate massage, can create heat and connection without pressure,” says Dr. Tara.
Set the mood with low lighting, some music, and a little massage oil, then start somewhere unexpected, like their hands or calves. Use long, gentle strokes, gradually experiment with pressure, and ask where they'd like you to focus. Sometimes the hottest thing you can say is, “Don't worry, I'm not trying to have sex. I just want to make you feel good.”
10. Use a Sex Toy Together
Sex toys aren't a replacement for intimacy; they're a boost. Dr. Tara calls them “extremely effective and fun,” especially during foreplay, yet many people still avoid them due to shame or outdated ideas about what “should” be enough.
Whether it's a wand vibrator, a bullet, or a vibrating cock ring, incorporating toys together can help you explore new sensations and switch up your usual routine. If you're trying something new, start with a lower intensity and let your partner guide you toward what feels good. And if either of you is new to toys, there's no pressure to get it right immediately. As Shaffer suggests, “I recommend that people try a toy on their own first just to see how it feels and then use it with a partner or to test them out together with no expectations the first time around.”
Not to get all corporate on you, but think of it as collaborating on pleasure versus outsourcing it.
11. Experiment With a Blindfold
Turns out, not knowing what's coming next can be pretty damn hot. Adding a blindfold to foreplay lets you focus on the sensations of touch, kissing, and teasing without being able to see exactly what your partner is up to. Plus, there's something undeniably sexy about giving up a little control (consensually, of course).
Start simple with a soft blindfold or sleep mask, then have your partner experiment with different sensations, like trailing their fingertips along your skin, kissing your neck, or gently running a feather over your body. Talk about boundaries beforehand, agree on a way to pause or stop, and make sure whoever's blindfolded feels comfortable speaking up at any point. After all, the fun is in the anticipation, not actually being caught off guard by something you didn't agree to.
12. Watch Each Other Undress
You don't need to do a full striptease (unless that's your thing). But slowing down and watching—whether you're undressing your partner or they're taking off their own clothes—adds a level of anticipation and attention that can be seriously hot.
It's a reminder that foreplay isn't always about touching. Sometimes, it's about looking. Let your eyes linger. Let them feel seen. Let it take longer than it needs to. That tension? That's what gives you the will-they-won't-they vibes.
13. Take Penetration Off the Table
Sometimes, the best way to switch things up is to take something off the menu. Try making a no-penetration rule for your next hookup and see where things go. Think oral sex, mutual masturbation, dry humping, or just a really, really good makeout session. Consider it an excuse to get creative with everything else that feels good.
“By taking a certain act off the menu temporarily, you can build desire overall, which not only makes the things you are actively doing more fun but makes it even hotter when you finally DO do it,” says Shaffer.
And who knows? You might discover a few new favorite ways to get each other off.
14. Make a Yes/No/Maybe List Together
Want to try something new in bed but aren't quite sure how to bring it up? Enter the yes/no/maybe list, aka one of the easiest ways to figure out what you and your partner are actually into. The idea is simple: Each of you makes a list of sexual activities and sorts them into three categories: yes (things you're into or want to try), no (hard limits), and maybe (things you're curious about but aren't ready to commit to).
Once you've both filled out your lists, compare notes. You might discover a shared fantasy you've never discussed, find something new to experiment with, or learn that a certain activity is completely off the table. And remember, a “yes” isn't blanket consent, and a “maybe” definitely isn't a green light. You still need to check in before trying anything. Turns out, talking about what you want (and what you don't) can be pretty hot in its own right.
15. Share Your Sexual Fantasies
Here's your reminder that foreplay isn't always physical. “Verbalizing fantasies intensifies mental arousal,” says Dr. Joy. Even if you never plan to make them happen, sharing what turns you on in theory can be just as hot as doing it in practice.
Pick a low-stakes moment—maybe while lying in bed or post-makeout—and say something like, “I've always wondered what it would feel like to…” Then pause and let your partner fill in the blanks. You might discover you're on the same wavelength or learn something totally unexpected about what gets them going.
And if there's a fantasy you've been too embarrassed to bring up? This could be your chance. Sharing a fantasy doesn't mean agreeing to act it out, either. Sometimes, the conversation itself is the turn-on.
16. Try a Little Role-Play
Ever wanted to pretend you're two strangers meeting at a bar? Or maybe you've got a thing for a sexy doctor-patient scenario? Role-play lets you step outside your usual dynamic, explore fantasies, and try on a different personality for a little while. And no, you don't need an elaborate costume or an Oscar-worthy performance to make it hot.
Start by picking a scenario you're both into, whether that's strangers flirting for the first time, a little consensual power play, or dressing up as your favorite fictional characters. Talk through the setup and boundaries beforehand, then have fun with it. If you want to go all in with costumes and props, more power to you. But if you end up laughing halfway through your terrible fake accent? Honestly, that can be part of the fun, too.
17. Get Into Some Light Bondage
If the idea of being tied up (or doing the tying) turns you on, a little bondage might be worth exploring. Whether you're into taking control, giving it up, or switching between the two, adding restraints to foreplay can introduce a whole new level of anticipation. “Playing with different restraints can help you be more present in your body,” says Shaffer.
Start simple with a pair of soft, quick-release cuffs designed for bondage, and talk through what you're both comfortable with before anything gets tied. Agree on a safe word, keep restraints loose enough to avoid restricting circulation, and never leave someone restrained alone. Skip anything around the neck, and make sure you can release the restraints immediately if needed. The goal is to have fun experimenting with control, not to actually get stuck.
18. Explore Anal Play
Anal play isn't everyone's thing, but if you and your partner are curious, there's a whole lot more to explore than penetration. The anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings, which means even a little external stimulation can feel pretty damn good. And since everyone has a butt, anal play isn't limited to any particular gender or anatomy.
Start with something simple, like gently tracing a lubricated fingertip around the anus or experimenting with light pressure. If you're both interested, you can work your way up to anal fingering or a small, body-safe butt plug with a flared base. Just make sure you're using plenty of lube, checking in with your partner, and never pushing through pain. And if you're switching from anal to vaginal touch, wash your hands or change condoms first to avoid transferring bacteria.
19. Try a Little Teasing With Your Nails
Light scratching might not sound particularly sexy, but don't underestimate the power of a well-placed fingernail. “Unexpected touch in sensitive areas—like the back or thighs—can activate nerve endings and heighten anticipation,” says Dr. Joy.
Try lightly dragging your nails down your partner's back, along their thighs, or across their shoulders. Start with barely-there pressure and see how they respond before getting more intense. You can also switch things up with your fingertips, the backs of your hands, or gentle kisses to keep them guessing.
The goal isn't to leave scratch marks (unless that's something you've both agreed you're into). It's to give them just enough sensation to make them want more.
20. Give Each Other a Foot Massage
Foot play isn't just for people with foot fetishes. It can also be a seriously underrated form of foreplay. “Feet have a lot of nerve endings and can be so sensual,” says Dr. Tara.
Grab a little massage oil or lotion and work your thumbs into the arches of your partner's feet, then experiment with lighter touches, gentle scratches, or kisses if they're into it. The trick? Keep it clean, go slow, and pay attention to what actually feels good to them.
And if the foot rub doesn't turn into anything more? You still just gave your partner a massage. Win-win.
21. Take a Shower or Bath Together
You don't have to go straight for shower sex to make things steamy. Sometimes, standing under warm water together, washing each other's bodies, or sneaking in a few kisses is enough to get things going. “Even brief moments of intentional skin contact can deepen desire,” says Dr. Tara.
More of a bath person? Fill the tub, add some bubbles, and take your time exploring each other without worrying about what comes next. You can even bring a waterproof vibrator into the mix if you're feeling ambitious. Just remember that water isn't a substitute for lube, and shower floors can get slippery, so save the acrobatics for somewhere with better traction.
Plus, you're both already naked. Might as well make the most of it.
22. Dance Together
You don't need a big romantic moment (or any actual rhythm) to turn a slow dance into foreplay. “Moving to music creates physical synchronization and undeniable desire,” says Dr. Joy. Even if you're just swaying in socks on the hardwood floor or grinding in your kitchen to a playlist you haven't updated since college, that body-to-body contact can be pretty damn hot.
Pull your partner close, put your hands on their hips, and let the music do its thing. You can keep it sweet and slow or turn up the heat with a little grinding and kissing. No need to make it a whole production.
23. Explore Each Other in the Mirror
It might sound intimidating at first, but hear us out: Watching yourselves during foreplay can be seriously hot. Whether you're undressing each other, kissing, or experimenting with touch, using a mirror adds a little extra visual stimulation to the mix. “Mirror exploration can increase body acceptance and help you discover new erogenous zones,” says Dr. Joy.
Try positioning yourselves in front of a full-length mirror or somewhere you can catch your reflection while making out. Take turns touching each other, watching your partner's reactions, or simply enjoying the view. Feel ridiculous at first? Laugh it off. You're allowed to find each other hot and hilarious.
24. Watch Something Steamy Together
You don't need to fire up full-blown porn to get turned on together. Sometimes, a particularly hot sex scene from your favorite messy drama (hi, Outlander) is more than enough to get things going. “Shared arousal—even from fictional sources—can create a low-pressure space to explore desire,” says Dr. Joy.
Pick something you're both into, cuddle up on the couch, and don't be afraid to react out loud. Tell your partner what you find hot, ask what they're into, or use a particularly steamy scene as inspiration for something you'd like to try together. And if you end up pausing the show halfway through? Well, that's one way to avoid spoilers.
25. Send a Sexy Voice Note
A text is hot. A voice note? Unhinged in the best way. “Sending sexy stories or compliments by voice builds anticipation,” says Dr. Joy. There's something about hearing your partner's actual voice—their tone, the way they say your name, the little pauses between words—that a string of emojis just can't compete with.
Try recording a quick message telling your partner what you can't wait to do when you see them, describing a favorite hookup, or simply letting them know how much you want them. Keep it short, make sure they're comfortable receiving NSFW messages, and give them a heads-up to listen somewhere private.
After all, half the fun is knowing they'll be thinking about your voice long after the message ends.
26. Make a Sexy Bet
A little competition can be very good for your sex life. “Playful challenges or bets create curiosity and anticipation,” says Dr. Joy. They also open the door to power dynamics and teasing, two seriously underrated foreplay tools.
Try something like, “If I win, you have to kiss me everywhere but my mouth,” or “Loser has to give the winner a five-minute massage…wherever they want.” You can make a bet over a board game, a round of mini golf, or literally anything you're both weirdly competitive about.
Just agree on the stakes beforehand, and remember that winning a bet doesn't override anyone's boundaries. The point is to have fun, not to make your partner do something they're uncomfortable with. Plus, when everyone's into it, losing might actually be the better outcome.
27. Try a Guided Sex Meditation
Okay, hear us out: A little meditation might be exactly what your foreplay routine is missing. Dr. Tara recommends trying a guided sexual meditation to help you slow down, focus on sensation, and connect with your partner before things get physical. “It creates sexual energy and intimacy without rushing,” she says.
You can find guided sex meditations on YouTube or dedicated apps (Dr. Tara even has her own). Try one together before bed or during a lazy weekend afternoon, following the prompts to focus on your breathing, your bodies, or whatever sensations come up. Worst-case scenario, you've spent a few uninterrupted minutes together without someone checking their phone. We'll take it.
28. Sync Your Breathing While Cuddling
This one might sound like a wellness retreat activity, but stick with us. Lying close to your partner and matching your breathing to theirs can help you slow down and feel more connected, especially if sex has started to feel a little rushed or routine. “When you match your breathing, you sync up energetically,” says Dr. Joy. “It increases oxytocin and helps you stay present in your body.”
Try it while spooning or lying face-to-face in bed. Put your phones away, pay attention to the rise and fall of your partner's chest, and gradually settle into a similar breathing rhythm. You can add some gentle touching or kissing if you're both feeling it, but there's no need to rush into anything.
And if syncing your breathing feels more like a yoga class than a hookup? No big deal. You still got some quality cuddle time out of it.
29. Play a Sexy Game
Who says game night has to involve Monopoly and a fight over the rules? Try a dirty round of Truth or Dare, a sexy version of Never Have I Ever, or an intimacy card game designed to get you talking about what turns you on. It's a fun way to bring up fantasies, ask questions you might otherwise be too shy to say out loud, and potentially learn something new about your partner.
“Talking about sex with your partner is fundamental—research finds that doing so increases desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasms,” says sexologist Natassia Miller, founder and CEO of Wonderlust. “The problem is, most of us have a hard time communicating about our sexual needs and wants.”
Start with a few low-stakes questions before moving into anything more revealing, and make sure you both feel comfortable skipping a question or dare. You might end up discovering a shared fantasy, getting a little handsy, or just laughing at each other's answers. Either way, it's probably more fun than passing Go.
30. Build Anticipation With a Sexy Playlist
Remember making someone a mixtape? Consider this the horny, 2026 version. Putting together a playlist of songs that remind you of your partner, make you feel sexy, or just sound like something you'd want to make out to can be a surprisingly fun way to build anticipation before you even touch each other.
Send your partner a playlist before date night with a little ‘Consider this a preview of tonight’ text, or make one together specifically for hooking up.
And if lyrics are distracting when things get hot and heavy? Stick with instrumentals, ambient music, or house. The goal is to set the mood, not spend your entire hookup wondering why Spotify decided to play a breakup anthem.