What every traveller needs to know about going away solo

The woman at the maitre d’s desk barely glanced up at me. “Are you right there, mate?”

Um, yeah. I have a lunch booking. For me.

The venue is Leeuwin Estate winery in Margaret River, Western Australia, a place that I suppose not many solo diners attend, if we’re going to be kind to the wait staff. It’s awkward enough when you’re rolling up to a restaurant on your own, checking to see if anyone is staring at the person with no friends, trying to act like this is all normal, without the staff treating you like you must want an extra water glass or a fresh fork rather than asking to be seated by yourself.

Still, I did eventually get to my table and proceed to have a very enjoyable three-course lunch in my own company. When you have Art Series chardonnay and seared pink snapper, who needs friends?

This is about the most awkward I’ve felt while travelling alone in quite a while, and it wasn’t that serious. Just a little misunderstanding. An assumption that I wouldn’t be there alone, quickly fixed.

For the most part, dining by yourself is pretty painless. You realise very quickly as you start doing this regularly that no one is staring at you because no one else cares. They’re all just getting on with their meals, as you are free to do, too.

You don’t need courage. You don’t need experience. You just need desire.

I understand, though, that for people who haven’t travelled on their own before, this is an intimidating scenario, perhaps the most intimidating of the whole solo travel experience. Dining alone just doesn’t sound right. It sounds embarrassing or weird. It sounds like something you would have to really work up some courage to go and do.

But I’m here to tell you, as someone who has travelled solo for 20 years or more: it doesn’t take courage. You don’t need a special set of skills or attributes to do this. You just have to take the plunge.

There’s a misconception in travel that I think is propagated as much by the people who do go on holiday on their own as those who don’t. You’re supposed to believe that heading out to see the world by yourself is brave.

And it does sound it, when there’s no one else to rely on, no one to protect you, no one to blame when things inevitably go wrong. If you haven’t travelled solo before I can see how that would be the case.

Travel is a pursuit that’s also highly enjoyable when shared, something social that’s nice to look back on with shared memories. There’s an obvious desire to have another person there with you.

But what if no one else wants to go?

We do ourselves a disservice by leaning on this idea that you have to be brave to see the world on your own. It makes budding solo travellers think that maybe they can’t do it, like they don’t have what it takes.

But you don’t need any special skill to travel alone – just a few basic smarts, and enjoyment in your own company. It’s not a case of can you do it, but more, will you like it when you do? Because not everyone will, and that’s fine. But if you want to try it, you should.

You don’t need courage. You don’t need experience. You just need desire.

Begin with something easy if you’re concerned this might not be for you. Travel locally, in Australia, on your own. Spend a weekend in another capital city. Do a few touristy things. Eat out at restaurants, grab a drink in a bar. See how you like it.

Look further afield if you want to push yourself, to the likes of New Zealand or Canada, or head to Japan or the UK. Take it step by step. Do day tours if that appeals, to have the safety net of company. Get your bearings in this new place before going it alone.

And understand that you already have what it takes.

I took my first solo trip around the world when I was 17, to the US, and got lost in Grand Central Station. I went to Vietnam on my own when I was 24 and was almost immediately swindled out of a few hundred dollars. I travelled India solo when I was 25 and almost got myself caught up in a jewellery-smuggling ring.

None of these trips required any particular bravery once I was there. They should also serve as a lesson that if I could do it then, anyone could do it now.

You will make mistakes on your own, you will get yourself into some frustrating situations, you may lose some money, and you will spend a lot of meal times just staring at your phone, or at a book, or into space.

But you will also see the world, and meet amazing people, and learn all sorts of things about yourself and about the experience of travel. That doesn’t require courage. Just willingness to endure a few awkward moments at the maitre d’s desk.

Ben Groundwater is a Sydney-based travel writer, columnist, broadcaster, author and occasional tour guide with more than 25 years’ experience in media, and a lifetime of experience traversing the globe. He specialises in food and wine – writing about it, as well as consuming it – and at any given moment in time Ben is probably thinking about either ramen in Tokyo, pintxos in San Sebastian, or carbonara in Rome. Follow him on Instagram @bengroundwaterConnect via email.