America has made drinking the default setting for social life, and that choice is costing us more than we admit. From office parties to family holidays, alcohol is treated as the easiest route to friendship, confidence and fun.
Often, we drink simply because it has become a socially acceptable way to pass our free time and relax. We need to build a different kind of social life where people can belong without having to drink.
There is reason to believe that change is already underway. In August, Gallup reported that just 54 percent of U.S. adults drink alcohol, tying the lowest figure in its trend since 1939. Seventeen percent said they had substituted nonalcoholic drinks for alcohol. This is more than a consumer trend. It is an invitation to rethink what our gatherings are for and who they leave out.
Personal Cost of Alcohol
I know the damage alcohol can do personally. My drinking began early and eventually took me into addiction and homelessness.
I learned how quickly a drink can stop being a social accessory and become the center of your life. Alcohol became my master. Shame follows broken promises; relationships fray; you retreat from the very people you need. When I was growing up, I witnessed my dad’s struggle with alcohol. I saw how his addiction profoundly affected the lives of everyone dear to him, especially my sister and me.
The consequences are not just personal. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the alcohol-induced death rate among Americans aged 45 and older rose from 19.5 per 100,000 in 2014 to 25.2 in 2024. Behind those figures are families grieving and communities absorbing the cost.
Addiction can affect the people around the person struggling with it, creating lasting harm for families and communities. Yet alcohol remains woven into our social routines so tightly that people who decline a drink are often expected to explain themselves. We have mistaken familiarity for safety and intoxication for connection.
I am not arguing that every person who drinks has a problem, or that adults should not make their own choices. I am arguing that no one should have to consume a substance to feel welcome. Alcohol may briefly lower inhibitions, but it cannot manufacture trust, intimacy, or belonging. And when drinking becomes the price of admission, people in recovery, people who never drink, and people who simply want to stay clear-headed are left out of meaningful activities and social circles.
Building Connections Beyond Alcohol
I saw another possibility in recovery, where people rebuilt their lives through honesty, accountability, and showing up for one another.
Early in my career, I made friends with a man facing a terminal cancer diagnosis. He was struggling through a complex emotional process, facing the loss of his family, his life, and everything he held dear. He found a place where he could speak openly and be met with care. He found a community filled with acceptance, friendship, and love. He lived three years beyond the six months he had first been given. When he passed, we came together to remember his life, grieve our loss, and support one another. What mattered was not what brought us together, but the care and connection we shared during a difficult time.
That is the kind of community we should be building, a community where connection does not depend on drinking or any other substance.
People need places where they can talk honestly, form meaningful relationships, and find support through life’s challenges. Book clubs, running groups, neighborhood dinners, gardening clubs, and volunteer projects can all create opportunities for people to get to know one another, contribute to a shared purpose, and ask for help when they need it.
The goal is not to replace one social ritual with another, but to make belonging possible without alcohol being at the center of it.
The choice before us is clear. We can keep designing social life around alcohol and leave more people isolated behind a performance of having fun. Or we can transform our social lives so children can see their parents present, people in recovery can participate without pressure, and neighbors become a support network before a crisis arrives.
So take action.
Invite friends to an activity that does not revolve around drinking. Businesses should make alcohol-free options and events visible. The rise of third spaces offers another opportunity to bring people together beyond home and work. Local leaders should support meaningful and welcoming spaces where people can gather without being expected to buy alcohol. We can all be more welcoming to those who say no to a drink.
I had to rebuild my life to understand that connection is not something we consume; it is something we practice and cultivate. Alcohol is optional, not essential to a meaningful life or belonging.
Ben McQueen is the founder of Karuna Kava, a company operating alcohol-free social spaces and selling kava products.
All opinions are the author’s own.