It’s 4am, and I’m frantically trying to manoeuvre my bedroom window shut, as my partner and I have inevitably, living in London, woken up to the sound of two foxes screeching in our neighbours’ back garden.
And yet, I only have myself to blame, since I purposefully left said window — a complicated Victorian sash that’s a nightmare to deal with when you’re still half asleep — open before bed.
It might be October, but I like sleeping with it slightly ajar all year round, as a cold room and a bit of a breeze helps me get to sleep slightly quicker.
Plus, I hate little more than waking up in the morning to stale, stuffy air.
My partner, however, is the exact opposite, and gets a chill at the very thought of a draft wafting in overnight.
Our new compromise is that I get to keep the window open in the evening, so the room is nice and icy by bedtime, but it (at least in theory) gets closed before we tuck ourselves in.
I’ve got plenty of friends who have strong preferences in this respect, too; my old housemate, for example, was adamant about letting fresh air in as much as possible, even if it meant wearing a jumper indoors.
In Germany, this is considered standard practice, with many following the concept of stoßlüften or ‘house burping’, where you throw all windows and doors open for a set period (usually about 10 minutes) every day.
This is carried out at all times of year, no matter what the temperature is like outside.
In fact, according to All About Berlin, ventilation is so embedded in the country’s ethos that it’s sometimes included in tenancy agreements.
‘I feel betrayed’
Over on Reddit, people have long been debating this controversial topic.
One user shared how they’d moved in with her boyfriend last year, which caused some serious disruption to their nighttime routine thanks to his obsession with keeping the windows open.
‘I adjusted to fully wide-open windows during summer and fall, got thicker pyjamas, an electrical heating pad, and some nights slept with a headband,’ @Kiwi-Dragonfly wrote in the r/relationship_advice subreddit.
But as temperatures started to drop with the turn of the seasons, she found herself freezing at night — and while she and her boyfriend eventually agreed they’d sleep with everything closed, the agreement didn’t last long.
‘I woke up super cold… when I turned around to the window, I see it open a slit again,’ the Redditor wrote. ‘I feel really betrayed he did that, even though I asked him not to. I felt like he didn’t care about my wellbeing.’
Do you sleep with your bedroom window open?
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Yes, but only during the summerCheck
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Yes, all year roundCheck
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No, I get too coldCheck
Another person left confused by his partner’s nighttime temperature settings, @ptinnl begged for help from fellow men over 30, asking: ‘What gives?’
‘Every morning my girlfriend insists on opening several windows… [she] says the house smells and the temperature is too high,’ he wrote.
‘I never felt the need to open windows like that every day… I’m getting a bit annoyed.’
Basically, if it’s caused ructions in your relationship, you’re certainly not alone.
Finding a balance
Annabelle Knight, Lovehoney’s sex and relationship expert, reckons it’s an old cliché that couples always consist of one eternally warm person and one who is forever cold. Clearly, though, there is some weight to it.
She tells Metro: ‘The reason this can be so contentious is partly to do with the situation itself — being too cold (or too hot) is a physical and discomforting feeling, which can often supercharge our emotions.
‘However, the more pressing issue is arguably less the act itself, and more the person’s actions. An unwillingness to compromise can be a big red flag in a relationship, as compromise is based on trust and communication: key aspects of a strong partnership.’
No matter which camp you sit in, whether you’re the partner who’s absolutely boiling or cold to the bone, Annabelle says the important thing is to try to ‘communicate openly and reach a compromise.’
‘That might be opening the window but investing in a warmer duvet, or closing the window and opting for a smaller duvet,’ she says.
‘The method doesn’t matter, as long as a fair and agreeable solution is reached together.’
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