My Boss Is Using a Picture I’m In to Promote Her Political Candidate. Now My Family’s Asking Questions.

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Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I work for a small business. The owner is very involved (straight-ticket voter type) with one of the political parties. I’m more of an independent voter. One of the candidates for county supervisor IS NOT the candidate I will be voting for. One of the “planks” on his campaign platform will negatively impact my husband’s family business.

The problem is that my boss is running social media ads featuring her and her business, saying, “We are for ‘Joe Shmoe,’ candidate for county supervisor,” and using a picture of her business with me in the background. I’m very identifiable in it.

I told her that I am not in favor of Joe and asked her to please remove my image or use a different one without me. She said the “we” in the ad means her and her business, and with me in the background, people should know the opinion doesn’t involve me. My in-laws noticed and asked me why I am in an ad for a candidate I shouldn’t (and don’t) support. The two other workers in the office (also in the background) couldn’t care less about the local candidates/election, and I don’t even know if they vote.

Do I have a valid concern, or am I reading too much into this and getting upset over nothing? If I do have a valid concern, how do I resolve it?

—Implied Support for a Candidate I’m Not Voting For (she/her)

Dear Implied Support for a Candidate I’m Not Voting For,

Oh, no. No, no, no. Bad boss, bad! You are not reading too much into this; you do have a valid concern, and you are right to try to resolve it. Your boss has every right to say that she and her business support Joe for county supervisor. She’s foolish to do so—if the small business has customers or clients in your community, she’s likely alienating about half of them. (Perhaps she expects preferential contracts from the county if Joe is elected and considers it a good investment.) But she is absolutely wrong, so wrong, to use photos of her employees (!) in her endorsement messages.

Aside from abusing her power as an employer over her employees, your boss is doing some legally dodgy stuff. A lawyer might have a lot of fun enumerating the ways she is causing you and the other employees tortious harm. By implying you are voting for Joe, she may be engaging in “false light invasion of privacy.” She may be “misappropriating the right of publicity” by using your likeness without permission. Your in-laws’ concerns support the notion that she is engaging in “defamation of character.” It’s even possible she’s violating campaign finance laws.

As for how to resolve your concerns, you could go with the nuclear option and engage a lawyer. The right lawyer would have a blast blasting your employer, and would probably anticipate that they’ll have a repeat customer if your boss fires you or retaliates over your complaint. Realistically, though, you have to work with this boss, at least until you find a better job. Tell her again that you refuse to have your likeness used for a political campaign. If she says “people should know” that she’s not speaking for all of her employees, tell her you have gotten complaints, so people definitely do not know that. Keep a record of all these discussions, because you might need that lawyer.

A lot of bosses are oblivious to the power they hold over their employees. Posting the all-staff photo endorsing a candidate could have been simple thoughtlessness. When you told your boss you didn’t want your likeness used in this way, she could have apologized and substituted a different photo. The fact that she insisted on keeping it up, especially if you ask her again to remove it, means you should look for another job. You can’t trust this boss.

Dear Good Job,

I have been a part of a very close team since I graduated college. We saw weddings, retirements, babies, and funerals. When I lost my mom, my colleagues were the ones who helped me sort out her house and arrange the funeral.

We always had a tradition that on a birthday, we’d go out to eat and split the cost of the birthday person’s meal. That amounted to about $3 to $5 since we rotated among local restaurants.

The problem is that as people have retired or left, we’ve gotten these vain little creatures. They don’t want to work, know how to game the system, and are more concerned about their nails than anything. They don’t care to do any extra labor or basic empathy. One of our employees lost their wife and child in a car accident. The new hire looked me dead in the eye and said she didn’t know the man, so why would she sign a card? The next month she complained to our supervisor that she didn’t get her free birthday meal. It wasn’t “fair.”

My supervisor has the backbone of a wet noodle, and I literally had to ask to go to human resources because employees are not required to pay for birthdays on their off time, and that co-worker never contributed to anything. Now, it feels like a cold war is brewing. I can’t even go to a different department to chat with a friend without someone in that little posse complaining that I am spreading rumors about them. Tasks get ignored if I talk to them about it in person, and using email for simple tasks is “hostile.”

Our production has taken a nosedive, and our supervisor just resorts to talking about the importance of “teamwork.” Other teams complain that these people invade other events like a baby shower and start shoveling food before the event has begun. I have looked into moving to a different position, but a little birdie told me the higher-ups won’t let me because I am the most successful one on the team. I want to look for another job. I love the benefits and location and actually enjoyed my job before this. Help!

—Toxic

Dear Toxic,

Building close friendships at work has many benefits, as you’ve seen with your original team. But that’s a special, unusual situation. You joined this workplace fresh out of college, when you probably had more time, opportunity, and desire to build new relationships. It’s painful when a close network disintegrates as people retire or leave for other jobs. Acknowledging this doesn’t solve your problems with your new co-workers, but separating the pain of this loss from your annoyance with the new hires might help dampen some of your irritation.

It can be unpleasant, but try to think about some of these conflicts from the point of view of the new hires. You don’t have to decide they’re in the right, but you might be able to resolve or dismiss some of these problems if you understand how they arose. Yes, your new colleague should have signed the sympathy card. But she might have felt that it was inappropriate to express condolences as a relative stranger. Or she might be young and lucky enough to have no experience with devastating loss and not know how to express sympathy. She might be an entitled brat, sure, or she might legitimately wonder why some people, but not others, get birthday lunches when it seems like standard practice in her new office, where she knows few people and is still learning how to do the job.

You clearly feel contempt for some of these new hires, and lots of research shows that contempt is poison for relationships. Try to accept that the new hires might have different expectations around how to communicate, avoid “extra labor,” and separate their professional and personal networks. They’re building their own new relationships now, and although it’s not healthy, making you the Bad Guy could serve a bonding function for the new hires. You don’t have to like them, but being extra polite and rolling your eyes (privately) rather than stewing about them could both save you some irritation and prevent them from enjoying your irritation.

But a lot of these problems are logistical. If a team doesn’t want everybody in the office to attend their baby shower, they should limit who gets an invitation. Your team could set up a fund that everyone contributes to for inclusive social events. If new hires aren’t interested in participating, end the birthday lunch tradition. Go out instead with your work friends and invite people who have left your workplace—they have more time for lunch if they’re retired, and will appreciate being included. Complain to them about the new hires if you like—it’s a cheap but effective way to strengthen bonds with your long-time friend group.

—Laura

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