We're officially halfway through the second season of The Celebrity Traitors. Is it just us, but is it getting better and better? Just when we think an episode (episode four, in particular) is as good as the show can get, along comes a fresh twist* or yet another wild quote**.
*The sheer difficulty of the murder! The traitors have been tasked with spraying a perfume bottle, luring someone into the room, making them yawn, and then saying 'am I boring you?'. An extremely funny feat.
**'Like butter dripping off of hot corn' – Jerry Hall on James Blunt. Incredible.
But now we're at this midpoint, I think it's time for a brief appraisal. We've said goodbye to some fantastic players, and we shall continue to mourn them – poor Joe! Poor Myha'la! Poor Bella! Gone too soon! – but who remains? And how are they all getting on so far? Ahead, let's recap with an official power ranking. Here are the current players, ranked from worst at playing the game to the best.
WORST: Joanne McNally
Joanne's voting at the round table has been abysmal. Her theorising has gone nowhere. I am amazed she made it through this episode without getting banished, but she surely cannot remain much longer in the castle. That bizarre slip-up at the previous round table – when she declared the game of hide and seek as 'horrible' as though she had been there... when she had not – will put Joanne right at the top of the suspicion list. Unless someone else makes a serious blunder, she's done for.
Ross Kemp
Ross started out in sheer paranoia mode and he's hardly relaxed since. All of his suspicions have been completely off-base. He's an asset in the tasks, sure, but other than that he's not helping the faithfuls much at all. He's harming them, in fact – distracting them from serious lines of inquiry with either the suspicion chucked on Ross himself or with his thrown-out theories based on nothing but vibes. Leave Leigh-Anne alone, Ross!
James Blunt
Another player who is great in the missions, but not particularly handy for team faithful elsewhere. He really gunned for Joe at the round table and definitely tipped the vote against him. A sad loss. James does get some points, however, for his shower scene. Highly entertaining.
Jerry Hall
I thought Jerry was set for banishment last week due to her 'haggis' shout, her link to Hannah, and her impassioned defence of Richard E. Grant. But she got away with it! She's managed to play the 'quirky' card that allows her bizarre behaviour and scattergun theorising to be dismissed as just Jerry being Jerry... which is a subtly brilliant tactic. She's being just strange enough to be a good scapegoat for suspicion, meaning traitors might be less likely to kill her, but avoiding being so chaotic that she'll get a majority vote for banishment. Also, Jerry is the only faithful thus far to even consider James Acaster as a traitor. Here's hoping she doesn't yawn tonight.
Michael Sheen
It feels like Michael Sheen has hardly been in the show. We keep forgetting he's even there. Going under the radar isn't a bad tactic, but the problem for Michael is that even when he's doing nothing, he has the natural gravitas that makes people think he's up to something. We saw that in today's episode, with his panic at being viewed as 'the father of the table'. It feels like it's only a matter of time until he's killed off to eliminate a faithful with potential, or banished due to the classic 'big dog' theory of yesteryear. Nice knitwear, though!
Leigh-Anne Pinnock
Leigh-Anne is playing a good game. She's struck the right balance of getting involved in discussing theories and investigating oddities without sticking her head too much above the parapet. She did a good job arguing why lipgloss application was not evidence of her being a traitor, and now that suspicion is turning to Joanne, this could play in Leigh-Anne's favour. She'll be back in the firing line if Ross gets killed off, though – he made a point of telling James Blunt to look her way.
Romesh Ranganathan
Like Leigh-Anne, Romesh is comfortably coasting along in the middle. Not being too loud and attention-grabbing, but not being suspiciously silent either. Rob Beckett said he hoped Romesh would avenge his death. With sufficient smarts and a cool head under pressure, Romesh could make it far.
Sebastian 'Bash' Croft
Poor Sebastian has lost his main mates in the castle. This might make him glum, but it could play in his favour – the traitors seem to believe that getting rid of Bella and Julie has disarmed that particular sect. They've pretty much given up on seeing Sebastian as a threat. That's an error. He's smart, super observant, and does a skilled job at keeping his cards close to his chest. I think he's already on to Maya. If he proceeds with care and caution, he could convince the rest of the faithful to bring her down.
James Acaster
James Acaster's approach of playing 'like a faithful traitor' felt doomed to fail... but it's oddly playing out quite well. Because he's not lying, he's sharing spot-on theories about how the traitors are thinking (obviously, he knows how they're thinking... because he's a traitor). He's built a lot of trust across the castle and has done nothing to raise red flags. He may not have wanted to be a traitor, but he's doing a splendid job of it. If he can hold his nerve, he could make it to the end. He'd probably crack in the final and beg to be voted out, however.
Sharon Rooney
Broadly considered to be a solid faithful and with significant influence over the others. Her logic is solid and she's considering evidence wisely. A good faithful. She just needs to be careful she doesn't get murdered, as at present she's unlikely to be banished. Go for the shields, Sharon.
Miranda Hart
Miranda Marple continues to be spot on in her thinking, even as she questions her gut instinct. We wish we could burst through the screen and encourage her to keep going, to trust in her wisdom. She's built great relationships and is trusted by everyone. She's been very strategic with who she tells her suspicions, with an awareness that if she speaks up too loudly she'll be a target for murder. We predict the banishment of her pal Joe will motivate her to focus in and take down the traitors.
King Kenny
King Kenny was a solid faithful. Now he's been recruited, he's already cemented himself as a fantastic traitor. It was a great choice by James and Maya to seduce him. He's masterfully using all the goodwill and trust he's built up by playing as a brilliant faithful to sow seeds of doubt far and wide. Kenny has already shown he's a good liar, too. Very smooth. So far, his only error was out-loud narrating his search for the perfume bottle (aka the murder weapon). Hopefully Maya will get him in line.
BEST: Maya Jama
Maya is the only remaining original traitor, and has been forced into a chief wrangler role by chaotic and unwilling teammates. She's handled this responsibility with aplomb. Her voting choices have been spot-on – she knows exactly when to turn on fellow traitors to save her own skin – and she's skilfully using everyone's perception of her as a sunny, lovely, friendly person to her advantage. If she keeps this up, she's on track for a win.