Ruta Tangiiau Mave.
The question of burial has come under fire lately as more calls and plans for cremation options have been set alight, writes Ruta Mave.
The question is are we going to run out of land to bury our dead? Can we have a furnace on the island that will be able to service burning a body fast and efficient enough? Should we bring back the option of sea burials for those who have an affinity for the water?
The French made new laws in 2008 about cremating their loved ones, but more specifically what to do with their remains. They no longer believe that the ashes of nana should be kept inside an urn and placed on the mantel or bookcase next to the television router, multiplug and a scented candle. The French have ruled that all persons deserve respect and dignity in death. You can no longer shelf dad by the umbrella stand or in the wardrobe. They have also ruled that all ashes must be disposed of in a suitable area, wild areas yes, but not public parks and not your back yard for the dog to dig up or to fertilise your tomatoes.
Ashes may be scattered but the area must be recorded, so even in death your soul will have a GPS location.
My nana was 99 and a half when she passed and was cremated. She is in a beautifully crafted blue ceramic urn, that sits in my mother’s bedroom next to a photo of nana. I remember when the urn was delivered to the house for the memorial service. We had to delay the funeral due to the great grandchildren being in the middle of NCEA exams. So, she had been cremated some time before the delivery.
I answered the door to a lovely smiling woman who handed me the urn and said this is your nana. As she passed it to me it wasn’t necessarily heavy but I nearly dropped it there and then as it was warm. Flashes of coming straight out of the oven like scones crossed my brain and only the fear of having to vacuum her up after dropping her on the floor allowed by reflexes to take a better hold of the urn. I passed it quickly to my daughter with shock and horror of how she is still warm. This was greeted with a gale of laughter as the urn had been sitting on the car seat with the sun on it.
You don’t have to provide an urn. You can ask for the ashes to be put in a plain cardboard box, this is legal and if asked the funeral home is required to provide one.
We had one incident at the memorial for my uncle. As we stood for a family photo, my brother had the rectangular box tucked under one arm. A friend of my sister whispered to him “When did you have time to go shoe shopping?” Clearly, my family experience with cremations has not been a solemn affair.
My mother wants to be cremated because she does not want to wake up and find worms eating her toes! Each to their own, I guess.
I have told my kids that if I die overseas then cremate me and scatter me somewhere they like to visit. Or carry some in a locket. But if I die in Raro then make it fast, don’t spend money on embalming, there is enough plastic in the ground not decomposing without having us add a slew of people to the list. I also don’t want them spending money on large monumental headstones and burial chambers. Don’t bury the good tivaivai or gold jewellery, I won’t need it wherever I end up going – upstairs or downstairs. Keep it simple, keep it real. They live overseas, I have already told them when the moon is full, they know I am looking at it thinking of them, and that is where I will be afterwards too.
The use of land will only be a problem if we keep building mausoleums to every soul who ever walked the earth. Some of the graves are like mini houses and newer and in better condition than some of the shacks the person had once lived in, still standing next to it.
I am certain that if the money that was spent on the burial had been put into the care and support of the elderly before they passed, they could have ended life in a happier and better condition.
Building a big grave for others to see how caring you are is not going to change the reality the community saw when you weren’t here for the person or didn’t care for them when they were breathing.