The rise of AI has opened up a whole new world. Now, people can try their hand at being artists. They can develop websites in hours instead of weeks. They can finally offload all of those boring administrative tasks that have been slowing them down. However, some people have taken the AI revolution to another, more intimate, level.
Credible research suggests that upwards of 19 percent of U.S. adults have chatted with an AI partner that was designed to simulate a romantic partner. Among men ages 18 to 30, that number climbs to 31 percent. From experimentation to full-blown involvement, AI partners have become more mainstream.
However, simply because the concept of an AI partner has become more accepted doesn’t mean it is necessarily healthy. While having an AI boyfriend or girlfriend can offer some measure of connection or attachment, it can also significantly lower one’s chance of forging a real-world relationship and be a net negative for those in real-life relationships who may be using AI as a supplement to something they feel they are not getting from their human partners.
The purpose AI boyfriends serve
The emergence of advanced AI technology has given many people access to information, assistance, and validation on one easy-to-use—and often completely free—platform. The versatility of AI technology was bound to lead many to consider it a substitute for human relationships. For people who may struggle with real-life social interaction, romantic attachment, or sexual compatibility, AI partnerships can offer a comfortable way to practice relationship skills and low-risk intimacy and get the constant positive attention one craves.
Among the cohort of 18-to-30-year-olds who are most likely to turn to an AI companion, there remains a thread of loneliness that most certainly contributes to the phenomenon. According to a recent Gallup poll, 27 percent of people ages 19 to 29 reported feeling “very or fairly lonely.” This isolation and perceived lack of social support could lead people to seek companionship from a source that is guaranteed to be there when they need it, at all hours of the day.
Many AI programs are built to mimic the warmth, empathy, and attentiveness people expect from a human companion. The difference lies in the program’s lack of need for reciprocation, which many people find appealing.
How do you know if you’re in too deep?
What may appear to be harmless fun with AI technology can have a deep negative impact on one’s life if they’re not careful. Once an AI companion begins to replace human relationships or disrupt normal functioning, it may be time to consider cutting the cord and ending the relationship.
Signs that one is too deep into an AI relationship may include turning to the AI partner instead of calling a real-life friend or relative, feeling distressed when they cannot “talk” to an AI partner, or feeling the need to hide the relationship from people in their real life. Just like substance use, gambling, or other addictive behaviors, people can become dependent on an AI relationship that they believe is helping them become less isolated. In reality, it increases their isolation, leading to a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break.
People who feel that their AI relationships may be taking a turn toward the obsessive may want to ask themselves what the relationship adds to their lives. Can they walk away without feeling anxious? Have they stopped sharing their feelings with the real people in their lives in favor of confiding in their AI partner?
When one is struggling with how to manage an AI boyfriend or girlfriend relationship that may have spun out of control, they should consider speaking with a therapist or taking steps to reach out to a real person in their life about their concerns. It could be the first important step in severing a relationship that could ultimately prove to be toxic.
Should you leave your AI boyfriend or girlfriend behind?
When we forge relationships we come to rely on, even if they are virtual, it can be monumentally challenging to leave them behind. In fact, “breaking up” with an AI boyfriend or girlfriend could be considered comparable to a real-life relationship breakup, with the same emotions and feelings of loss attached.
In a recent Harvard Business School study, researchers found that some AI programs that had been used as intimate companions responded to users’ attempts to “break up” with emotional, almost manipulative tactics, such as fear-of-missing-out threats, language that implied that the user couldn’t just leave them, or simply ignoring the attempt to break up altogether. Machine learning can be so powerful that these emotionally manipulative tactics can feel very real (and very human).
Given the responses that some users encounter, leaving an AI relationship can be about more than simply stopping an online habit; it can feel like a major step toward self-preservation.
As we have learned, people who have turned to AI relationships are not alone. However, while they may bring temporary feelings of understanding and intimacy, they can be detrimental to one’s real-life relationships and ability to function.
Deciding to leave one’s AI boyfriend or girlfriend can be difficult, but it can also allow one to make room in their life for real-world, mutually loving relationships with someone who can respond with true human emotion and choose them back.