SINGAPORE: A Singaporean mother who is torn between having a fourth child and sticking with her family of five has turned to fellow parents online for advice, asking what life is really like for families raising four or more children in the city-state.
In a post on Reddit’s r/askSingapore forum, the woman admitted that she and her husband “really, really, really want a 4th,” but she is struggling to convince herself that expanding their family is a good idea.
While the couple are keen to welcome another child, she is concerned about the practical challenges that come with having a larger family, from transportation and childcare to maintaining their independence at home.
One of her biggest concerns is having to upgrade the family car. The couple currently own a five-seater, which would no longer be sufficient if they had another child.
“We have a 5-seater, and needing to upgrade to a 7+ seater is a little stressful to me,” she wrote.
She is also worried that having a newborn could mean hiring a domestic helper, particularly with her eldest child preparing to enter primary school soon.
“This is one of my biggest concerns because I managed 3 with no helper, so I'm used to the privacy and independence!” she said.
“I know a family who has 7 kids, and they basically just go around with 2 taxis and rarely go out, even if it’s around Singapore. They have never travelled outside of SG, other than a JB trip after renting a huge van. Nothing against it, but knowing the reality would be helpful. Especially the long-term game.
Hoping to get a clearer picture of life with a bigger family, she appealed to parents with four or more children to share their experiences and advice.
“Please share your life and experience, and if you have any advice to a young family of 3 kids! Greatly appreciated!”
‘Go for it’
In the Reddit thread, commenters were quick to point out that life with four children would come with its fair share of headaches, from finding seats for everyone during family outings to watching the household expenses pile up.
One user said even a simple trip to the food court or IKEA could become a bit of a nightmare.
“It will be really stressful to eat at a food court or crowded places like IKEA where you need to find enough seats, unless your family is fine with sitting separately or eating earlier/later. Imagine the entire family ordering McDonald's and everyone ordered a meal and you suddenly become bankrupt, le.”
Another commenter, who grew up with four siblings, urged the mother to consider how having another child could affect her children's quality of life as they grew older.
“I think you have to think about how life would look for your children as well. I grew up close and happy with my siblings, but as we became teenagers, it was rough because there wasn’t any space to study in our 4-room flat.”
“I had a lot of resentment for a period of time as I couldn’t get the same opportunities as my classmates (like tuition, holidays, phones), so I always felt like a loser and couldn’t keep up with trends; my clothes were hand-me-downs and didn’t fit well.”
Still, not everyone was against the idea. A few commenters encouraged her to follow her heart and welcome another child.
One user shared, “Go for it. I know a family with 11 children (yes, you read it right… eleven children) growing up in a four-room HDB flat. There was one point where all the children lived together, but the eldest two have since moved out.”
A father also chimed in, “I don’t have any advice, but I would say go for it! I am sure most of the comments will be negative, but ignore them, as they are probably folks who don't even have 3 kids themselves. I am a father of two, and I say this to every parent: kids are the best thing in my life, and of all the things I have accomplished, I am proudest of them and love them with all my heart.”/TISG