How to Have Anal Sex: 14 Expert-Approved Tips for Beginners and Beyond

So, you want to know how to have anal sex. Maybe you've been curious for a while, maybe your partner brought it up, or maybe you've already tried it and are wondering if there's a way to make the whole experience feel a little less…intense. Whatever brought you here, welcome. We're talking butts.

Despite what porn (or that one friend who insists they're an expert) might have you believe, there's a lot more to anal sex than just sticking something up there and hoping for the best. And unfortunately, actual information about how to do it safely and enjoyably isn't always easy to come by.

“Unfortunately, there has always been and continues to be a severe lack of sex education, especially when it comes to anal sex,” explains anal surgeon Evan Goldstein, DO, founder of Bespoke Surgical and author of Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between. “There is a lot of misinformation and lack of education on anal play, as well as the general stigma that still gets associated with anal sex.”

But here's the thing: Anal sex doesn't have to hurt, it doesn't have to be a whole production, and it definitely doesn't have to be something you do just because someone else wants to. Whether you're a total beginner or looking to make your next experience better than your last, we've got the expert-backed tips on prep, pleasure, positions, and everything else you should know before getting down to butt business.

First things first: Anal sex isn't just about penetration. “Anal sex generally refers to any play involving the anus,” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, a sex and relationship expert for We-Vibe. “A narrow definition might suggest that anal sex must involve penetration, but all types of erotic pleasure that involve the anus may be classified as anal sex.”

So yes, penis-in-anus penetration counts, but so does rimming (aka oral stimulation of the anus), playing with butt plugs, or using a dildo or strap-on for penetration. And when someone uses a strap-on to penetrate their partner anally, that's often called pegging.

For this guide, we're mostly talking about penetrative anal sex, whether that's with a penis or a strap-on. But if penetration isn't your thing, that's fine, too. There's plenty of butt-related fun to be had without it.

There are three main types of preparation you’re going to want to consider before having anal sex: physical (i.e., making sure your anus/rectum is physically ready for penetration), hygienic (doing what you can to reduce the risk of any poop-related incidents—which, by the way, are far less likely than you may fear; more on that to come), and last but certainly not least, mental and emotional (communicating with your partner, establishing enthusiastic consent, and setting boundaries). Some of this prep can happen in the days and hours leading up to an anal encounter, and some of it can take weeks or even be more of an ongoing practice for those who receive anal penetration frequently. Let’s break it down.

The Physical Prep

Let’s make one thing clear: Anal sex should not be painful. “It’s a myth that anal sex is inherently painful,” says Dr. Goldstein. “If you're experiencing pain during anal play, then something is wrong.” Taking time to prepare your body (and yes, your butthole) can help make anal sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Here are some tips for opening up the backdoor.

Get to Know Your Butt

Understanding anal anatomy is a crucial first step that will help you feel better prepared for anal play and more aware of the sensations you’ll experience. “On the outside, there's the anus, which is highly sensitive to touch, texture, and temperature,” explains Dr. Jess. “Venturing inward, you’ll first encounter the anal canal, which houses two key muscles: the anal sphincters. The external sphincter sits just inside the opening and can be voluntarily contracted and relaxed. A little deeper, you’ll find the internal sphincter, which operates involuntarily—similar to your heartbeat or blood pressure. While you can’t consciously control it, you can encourage it to relax by breathing deeply, staying calm, and focusing on pleasure.” Achieving this level of relaxation is super important for pleasurable anal play.

Practice on Yourself First

Before trying anal with a partner, consider spending some serious alone time with your butt.

“Solo anal play allows your body’s sensations and responses to flow more freely, helping you gain a much better understanding of what feels good and what doesn’t, which you can then share with a partner before you try anal sex together,” explains Dr. Jess. “Start by applying lube, breathing deeply, and letting yourself get aroused. Gently slide a finger in while experimenting with contracting and relaxing your external sphincter.” Go slow and move at your own pace. This part of anal prep could take days, weeks, or even longer—and that’s completely okay.

“Once you feel comfortable with shallow penetration, ease in a little further and pay attention to the internal sphincter,” says Dr. Jess. “Notice how it responds when you slow your breathing.”

Once you’ve eased into things with a finger, you can try experimenting with toys like butt plugs and dildos to get a better sense of what penetrative anal sex will feel like. But—and I cannot overstate this—make sure that anything you put up there is a body-safe toy designed for anal play, specifically one that has a flared base to prevent any embarrassing trips to the ER.

Anal Training/Dilation

Yes, you can work your way up to an anal-sex-ready asshole by experimenting with toys and gradually increasing depth and width, but if you wanna go pro, Dr. Goldstein suggests considering an anal training kit. “Anal dilation is no doubt the single most important step that someone should take before having anal sex,” says Dr. Goldstein. “The notion that anal sex can just happen on a whim, without any prior practice or preparation, is only for the movies (and a very select group of blessed people).”

For those interested in a more structured approach, anal training kits typically include dilators in gradually increasing sizes to help you get comfortable with penetration at your own pace. Anal training isn't a requirement for everyone, though, and you should never force penetration or push through pain.

The Hygienic Prep

One of the most common concerns people have about anal sex is, well, poop. Here’s the thing: Anal sex is anal sex, which means that, yes, seeing some amount of poop is a possibility. It’s a totally normal part of anal play, so let go of any shame or stigma you may have around it (and make sure you’re with a partner you truly trust to make you feel safe and supported, poop or no poop). That said, the likelihood of encountering any serious shitstorm is actually pretty low.

“The reality is, unless you feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom, the area where you’ll be having sex—the anal canal and rectum—is most likely free of any feces,” says Dr. Goldstein.

Moreover, there are some simple prep tips that can help you reduce the risk of any poop-related problems.

Increase Your Fiber Intake

Mess-free anal does not start with (or even require!) douching. Rather, it all starts with a healthy gut. Dr. Goldstein says that getting enough fiber in your diet can help keep things regular and potentially reduce the need to douche.

“Incorporate daily fiber and synbiotic supplements to help bulk the stool, making your poops more formed and easier to pass more completely,” explains Dr. Goldstein. This means less risk of any fecal matter lingering in the anal canal, which means less risk of poop making any surprise appearances.

You Don’t Have to Douche (But You Can If You Want To)

First of all, it’s a total myth that you have to douche before anal. In fact, Dr. Goldstein says that unnecessary or improper douching can even lead to irritation, bleeding, and other complications. That said! There are ways to douche more safely if you choose to.

If you decide to douche, use a simple bulb enema with lukewarm water or a solution specifically formulated for rectal use. Avoid harsh soaps or irritating solutions, and don't overdo it.

Before You Douche, Try a Toy Test

Once again, if you want to douche, by all means, go forth and douche (safely!). Still, Dr. Goldstein says “less is more” when it comes to douching, so it’s best not to do it if you don’t have to. One optional way to check? Try what Dr. Goldstein calls a “toy test.” Before you douche, take a (butt-safe, flared-bottom) toy, lube it up, and insert it. If the toy comes out clean, you may feel more comfortable proceeding, though this doesn't guarantee a mess-free experience. “If not, you might opt to douche or wait for another time when you feel more ready,” says Dr. Goldstein.

And honestly, that last part is so crucial. If you don’t feel ready, don’t do it! As Dr. Goldstein notes, so much of being ready for anal is really about feeling ready mentally. Which brings us to….

The Mental/Emotional Prep

No matter how clean or dilated your butthole may be, being physically ready is only part of the game. Before trying anal (especially for the first time), you’re going to want to do some mental prep as well, including:

Talk to Your Partner and Ensure Enthusiastic Consent

As with all sex things all the time, consent is paramount. Make sure you and your partner discuss anal sex beforehand, are both on board and excited, and both consent. If you’re having anal sex for the first time or are reintroducing it after a hiatus, these conversations should happen well before you actually plan to do it, and definitely not in the heat of the moment. And remember, consent is fluid and can be revoked at any time. Partners should check in with each other both leading up to and during the encounter to make sure everyone is still engaging consensually and enthusiastically. If at any point you find you want to back out or stop, then do—and remember that the same goes for your partner.

Establish Boundaries and Expectations

These conversations with your partner should also include discussions about expectations, wants, desires, boundaries, and any concerns you may have. You may want to decide what positions you’re interested in trying ahead of time, whether or not you’re open to penetration, how much depth you’re ready for, and anything else you are or aren’t comfortable with. A Yes/No/Maybe list could come in handy here. And again, these conversations should happen well in advance.

Have a Safe Word

Ongoing communication during sex (of all kinds) is crucial, and establishing a safe word ahead of time can help make that communication easier in the moment.

“When you are in the act, having words like ‘red, green, and yellow’ for verbal cues lets the person receiving the penetration take control and guide the person doing the penetrating,” says sex educator Linnea Marie. “All parties should be aware of what's going on and of everyone’s comfort levels. The angle, placement, stroke depths, and stroke patterns matter. Boundaries and verbal cues will help with achieving maximum pleasure.”

Okay, now that we’ve gone over all things anal sex prep, here’s what you’re going to want to know about actually having anal sex. Allow these expert tips to guide you on your next anal adventure.

1. Use Lube

This is the number one, most important sex tip we can possibly give, and it’s even more important during anal than other kinds of sex. “Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so you’ll want to make sure you’re using copious amounts of lube to ensure a smooth ride from start to finish,” says Dr. Goldstein.

Most experts recommend a silicone lube for anal since it tends to be slicker and longer-lasting than water-based formulas. (Don’t worry, we have a list of the best, expert-approved lubes for anal sex here). Just keep in mind that some silicone-based lubes aren't compatible with silicone toys, so check the manufacturer's instructions before combining the two.

2. Then Use More Lube

You may have heard that too much lube takes away the friction that makes sex feel good. This could not be more wrong. “Lube is your best friend,” says Dr. Jess. “To ensure the most pleasurable and comfortable experience with anal sex, lube is a must.” As for how much to use, Dr. Jess says there’s really no such thing as too much. Apply during foreplay, apply just before insertion, and keep applying as you play to keep things comfy.

3. But Stay Away From Numbing Agents

Sure, the idea of a numbing cream that protects you from feeling any potential pain during anal may sound nice. But first of all, anal sex should not be painful. Moreover, numbing creams put you at risk for injury.

“Avoid numbing creams. I know they are tempting, but pain is your body’s way of letting you know something is wrong,” says sex educator Wendasha Jenkins Hall, PhD. “If your anus is numb, you can’t tell if any of your activities are causing damage. You can’t feel if you need more lube or if your body is tightening up to the penetration or impact.”

Again, anal sex is supposed to feel good. If you want to numb yourself out of whatever sensations you’re feeling, then anal probably isn’t for you...and that’s more than okay!

4. Use Protection

Just because pregnancy isn't a concern with anal sex doesn't mean protection should go out the window. Anal sex can transmit STIs, including HIV, HPV, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. In fact, receptive anal sex carries a higher risk of HIV transmission than vaginal sex because the lining of the rectum is thin, making it easier for the virus to enter the body.

Using condoms can help reduce your risk of STIs, and regular STI testing is important, too. Depending on your situation, you may also want to talk to a healthcare provider about PrEP (medication that helps prevent HIV) and vaccines for HPV and hepatitis A and B. And one more thing: If you're using latex condoms, stick with water-based or silicone-based lube, since oil-based products can weaken latex and make condoms more likely to break.

5. Don’t Neglect Foreplay

Quick little disclaimer on the term “foreplay”—it’s a bit dated in that it suggests that penetrative intercourse is the only “real” sex and that everything else is just a precursor to the main event. Penetration, whether anal or vaginal, is very much not the end-all, be-all of sex; all forms of sexual touch and play “count” as sex. That said, what we might call “foreplay” (i.e., warming up with other sex acts before jumping into penetration) is just as important with anal as it is any other kind of sex.

“Whether that’s introducing sex toys and dilators into play—which is a great way to pre-lubricate and pre-dilate the anal canal (I’m a huge fan of this method)—making out, exploring other erogenous zones, or engaging in oral sex and rimming, these can all help put the mind at ease and also relax the body before sex,” says Dr. Goldstein.

“Sexual excitement has a natural soothing effect on the body,” adds Dr. Jess. And relaxation is crucial to pleasurable anal sex. “Sensations that might feel uncomfortable when you’re not turned on can become intensely pleasurable once arousal kicks in.”

6. Consider Having an Orgasm First

“You may want to have an orgasm before experimenting with penetration, as you may find that your body is more relaxed and primed for pleasure,” says Dr. Jess. “Oxytocin, which spikes during arousal, can have a palliative effect on the body, so high arousal and orgasm may create more comfort and pleasure (and less pain).” Have a partner go down on you, use a toy, etc. However you get there, a pre-anal orgasm is never a bad idea.

7. Start With Non-Penetrative Anal Play

Before diving into penetrative anal sex, you may want to give lighter forms of anal play a try. “There are so many different ways to pleasure the butt,” explains Dr. Jess. She suggests stimulating the anus with anal toys, rimming, or butt plugs to get a lower-pressure idea of what the sensations of anal stimulation feel like. This can help you physically and mentally work up to penetration before gradually experimenting with insertion—or not! Because remember, “penetration is always optional,” says Dr. Jess.

8. Relax and Go Slow

If you decide you are ready to venture into penetrative anal play, relaxing and breathing is essential, and learning how to control the muscles in and around your anus can definitely help. “Though you can easily control your outer sphincter muscle with your central nervous system (the same system that allows you to contract the other muscles in your body at will), your breath can help you to relax your inner sphincter muscle, which is controlled by the autonomic nervous system,” Dr. Jess explains. “Just as deep breathing and other relaxation techniques can help to slow your heart rate, they can also help you to relax the inner sphincter ring to make anal play more enjoyable.”

Breathe deep and start slow, “preferably with the person receiving on top, until you’re fully relaxed and ready to switch things up,” says Dr. Goldstein. “This will help reduce discomfort and set the stage for a session that’s as long (or short) as you both want.”

9. It May Feel Like You’re Pooping (That’s Normal)

Unsurprisingly, the sensation of something moving around in your butt can feel a lot like having a bowel movement. During anal sex—especially the first time—it may be hard to tell if you are or aren’t pooping. Don't worry: The odds of actually pooping during anal are generally low. And, again, if some poop does make an appearance, remember that it’s just a normal part of anal play that both you and your partner should be able to handle.

10. Be Vocal

Even if you’re not usually much of a dirty talker, it’s super important to communicate with your partner during anal sex—especially if you’re new to it.

“Keep open and honest lines of communication while you’re having sex,” says Dr. Goldstein. “Let your partner(s) know what feels good and what doesn’t. In the end, sex is about receiving and giving pleasure.” Letting your partner know what is and isn’t working (and encouraging them to do the same) can only improve the experience for everyone involved.

11. Incorporate Other Kinds of Stimulation

“Anal sex doesn’t have to mean only anal stimulation,” says Dr. Jess. “Increase overall pleasure by stimulating other hot spots.” Once you’re in the groove of things, add in some clit stim, some vaginal stimulation, or whatever other kinds of touch you love—and don’t be afraid to bring some toys into the game.

12. Experiment With Different Positions

Again, receiving partner on top is probably best to start with, especially for beginners. But once you’ve gotten into it, feel free to experiment with different anal positions like lying flat on your stomach, getting in doggy-style, or missionary.

13. Don't Go Straight From Anal to Vaginal Sex

Avoid going directly from anal to vaginal sex without cleaning up first. Why? Bacteria from the rectum can increase the risk of infections like UTIs and bacterial vaginosis. If you want to switch from anal to vaginal penetration, use a new condom or thoroughly wash any penis, finger, or toy that's been in the anus before introducing it into the vagina.

14. If It Hurts, Stop!

Once again, anal sex should not hurt. If you’re having anal play of any kind and experience pain, stop. Pain isn't something you should try to push through.

Sure, some new (and potentially uncomfortable) sensations are to be expected—a lot of people say it feels like they need to poop or like a primal, pressure feeling. But Dr. Goldstein notes that there’s a huge difference between discomfort and pain. Of course, any kind of discomfort is more than enough reason to press pause on the whole situation. While lasting injuries from anal sex are possible but rare, painful anal sex can lead to anal fissures, tears, and other complications. Dr. Jess says that if you’re experiencing pain during anal sex, it’s probably because you’re tense, aren’t using enough lube, or have inserted too big of an object. Once again, preparing, easing into things, and making sure you’re feeling aroused and relaxed is crucial.

When you think anal, you probably picture a face-down, ass-up situation. And while that's certainly an option, it's far from the only one. You can have anal sex in pretty much any position you'd use for vaginal penetration, so don't be afraid to experiment and see what feels best for you and your partner.

If you're new to anal, though, Dr. Goldstein recommends starting with the receiving partner on top while the penetrating partner sits or lies underneath. This gives the person being penetrated more control over the speed and depth, which can make the whole experience a lot more comfortable. “It also encourages communication and the ability to read facial cues more easily,” adds Dr. Goldstein.

Once you've got the hang of things, feel free to switch it up. We've got 27 anal sex positions to try whenever you're ready to branch out.

Aftercare is the post-play activity that follows sex. This can include cuddling, talking, taking a shower, having a snack, and so much more. It’s about connecting and communicating after the heightened emotional state that can come with sex. It’s a term that’s often used in reference to kink/BDSM, but it’s just as important after any kind of sexual encounter, including anal. Basically, aftercare is a gentle way to “come down.” It’s a great way to connect with your partner, talk about what you did and didn’t like, and what else you’d like to try in the future.

Aftercare can also include the physical stuff you do to stay healthy after an anal encounter, such as….

Take a Bathroom Break If You Need One

If you feel the need to pee or poop after anal sex, go for it. Peeing after sex may help reduce the risk of UTIs, particularly for people prone to them, though it's not a guarantee. “During anal sex, there is a displacement of resident microorganisms near the anus toward the vagina and urethra, which increases the chances of vaginal infections and UTIs,” says Ankita Gharge, MD. There's a good chance you'll feel like you have to go to the bathroom anyway.

Be Prepared for Butt Queefs

After anal sex, you’ve opened yourself up to the joy of butt queefs. And no, they’re not farts, no matter what anyone says. Very simply, “a queef is a release of air,” says Dr. Jess. “It can sound like a fart, and it can happen during or after anal penetration because air is being forced in and it needs to escape.”

You can’t really avoid them, but “the more aroused you are, the less likely you’ll be concerned about specific sounds,” explains Dr. Jess. So just let go and enjoy.

If Anything Feels Off, Go to the Doctor

Again, serious injury from anal sex is rare, but if you have any persistent pain, discomfort, or bleeding after anal sex, it’s worth checking in with a doc. Heavy bleeding or severe pain warrants urgent medical attention. Also, if you’re finding it difficult to relax enough to truly enjoy anal, working with a healthcare professional who specializes in anal health or pelvic floor concerns can help address any physical barriers to entry (literally), including muscle tightness or other conditions.

And if you suspect your problem may be more mental than physical, a sex therapist can also help you work through any shame, stigma, or other negative feelings or psychological roadblocks that may be interfering with your capacity to fully enjoy anal.

That Said, If You Don’t Love It, You Don’t Have to Keep Doing It

As with all sex things all the time, you don’t have to have anal sex if you don’t want to. Like all new sexual experiences, your first time having anal may not automatically be magical—it can take time and practice to learn what you like. Then again, if you try it, don’t like it, and decide to never do it again, that’s also totally fine.