This is the perfect treat for cocktail lovers
In Aztec mythology, being dead sounds hard work.
Once you’ve expired of natural causes - women who’ve died in childbirth, and warriors are exempt - you travel through nine realms of the underworld, aka Mictlan.
At level six, there are flying arrows, followed by jaguars who devour human hearts on seven. There are no levels that feature tea, biscuits and a nice sit down.
The eventual destination is Chicunamictlan, to meet the Lord and Lady of the Dead.
Anyway, with this dramatically seasonal theme in mind, the people behind luxury drinks distributor Spirit Cartel, whose brands include Rosaluna and 818, have created a mezcal and tequila trail throughout Edinburgh. Nine of our best bars concocted a special-edition cocktail, available until the end of November.
At each destination, your underworld passport is stamped, and there are prizes to be won.
I’m having a taster of five pubs, but I will not be finishing my drinks. I do not want to be totally stocious on a Wednesday night.
The first visit is to eco bar, two-year-old The False Widow, on a corner near the Foot of the Walk tram stop. Apparently, another name for this infamous insect is the dark comb-footed spider, which wouldn’t quite have the same ring to it. What a lovely twinkly yet Gothic spot, with hop swags and a bar made from apothecary drawers.
Their theme is level five - the place where one ‘turns like a flag’. I imagine myself as a tattered and stained Saltire.
The Fifth Shadow (£10.50) is an ideal inaugural cocktail, since it’s got a fortifying caffeine hit, with cold brew, as well as 818 Tequila Blanco, black cherry syrup, Angostura and chocolate bitters. Think black forest gateau. Boozy and sophisticated.
I sip half, before we head to Mother Superior on Leith Walk.
They have really committed to the theme, as, once we bag a pew, we are hit with tiny arrows, which the bartenders have made with straws and paper. Too much time on their hands. I am speared on the bonce, but my eyes are spared. We are now at level six - the place where arrows are shot.
Their creation is The Green Unseen (£8) - my favourite cocktail of the night, and the cheapest. This pale yellow drink, with a cucumber slice on top, contains the lightly smoky Rosaluna Mezcal, green Chartreuse, Xante Cognac, for a dewy pear taste, Leblon cachaca and cucumber bitters.
One of the arrows must’ve pierced my heart. I’m smitten.
We team this with tater tots and frickles (£4 each) to line our stomachs.
Then we grab an Uber to take us to West Port institution Dragonfly. The previous passenger has left their sporran in the taxi, and that causes much hilarity. I remind myself to slow down with the drinkies. The last time I was at this pub, it was the Smirnoff Ice era and we were all listening to acid jazz. Indeed, this is its 20th year and it’s aged like a fine wine, with high ceilings and chandeliers.
They’re doing the only highball of the night, with the level seven jaguar theme.
Pricked Off (£13) contains Casachuin Tequila, Briottet Prickly Pear Liqueur, homemade elderflower tea cordial, the aromatic Three Families Verdant Sinhaya and soda, with a pandan leaf slid into the glass, for a tropical refresher.
We’re not far from our penultimate destination - seven-year-old Hey Palu, who consistently appears at the top of best bar lists. As part of the level eight theme - the place of obsidian water - they’ve created a wild card ensemble with Blackwater (£7.50), which isn’t really a cocktail. Instead, you get a shot of Rosaluna Mezcal, with, on the side, a slice of orange, cucumber, lime and chilli salt, plus two olives on a stick. It’s not a shot, but to be savoured, for a meditation on flavour. Ohm.
Our final resting place is Skoll & Hati, so we’re off to Merchant Street via a busy Grassmarket. I’ve been here before and they serve Norse-themed cocktails. Tonight, Mexico has taken over, and the resident Vikings are being torn asunder by a pack of Crufts-winning xoloitzcuintli.
Their themed cocktail is level nine - the final destination, aka The House of Mictlan.
The God’s Benediction (£12.50) is a decadently sweet treat, with a cinnamony chocolatey spiced froth on top of G4 Blanco Tequila, Cocchi Torrino, Amaro Averna, Lucky Tonka, and DOM Benedictine.
We have arrived. Game over. It’s only now that I realise that there have been NO Margaritas or palomas.
Perhaps one of the other participants - Lady Libertine, Voodoo Rooms, Powder Rooms and Paz Taqueria - is doing those. Still, what imagination. Edinburgh’s bar scene is incredible.
I would be happy for a repeat of the arrow incident for another round of those drinks.